Supervillainy

When I think of supervillains, three stand out above the rest. These are the three that I look to as role models in my quest to move from amateur supervillain to professional supervillain. In order of greatness, they are:

1. Dr. Doom

2. Magneto

3. Lex Luthor

You can argue the order of this list, but never the content. Dr. Doom is the supervillain whose greatness I most aspire to. He has a whole nation at his disposal, Doom Bots, cool armor with a metal mask, the ability to shoot these cool power beams out of the palm of his hands, and, the thing that allows him to get away with it all, diplomatic immunity. Best of all, he wears that lovely cloak. I think I would look really nice in a green cloak. Failing that kind of power, I'll take Lex Luthor status. His wealth and political cloak allow him to get away with a lot. For the longest time, people didn't even know he was a villain. That's brilliant.

Obviously, I can never really be like Magneto. He fights for a cause, and as I don't believe in anything (apart from the Smallville Chlois Theory) I don't really see myself becoming that kind of supervillain. I do admire his arrogance though. As a matter of fact, I have yet to achieve the kind of sense of self worth that really sends you to the highest ranks of supervillainy. Dr. Doom, Magneto and Lex Luthor all see themselves as superior to all others. I can only manage to see myself as superior to most. I'm thinking of taking a course on boosting my self esteem. Maybe get some of those subliminal message tapes.

Another obstacle is that I seem to lack the necessary science background. Had I found my calling sooner, I could have majored in biology or physics in college. I had to go and get a useless degree in history. (Well, not completely useless. I learned a lot about revolutions and I plan to apply that knowledge when I overthrow my first government.) Even Lex Luthor, evil business leader and politician, is a scientific genius. And it goes without saying that Dr. Doom's brilliance in the field is second only to Reed Richards. How else would he be able to make all those Doom Bots?

My final obstacle is the lack of a good nemesis. Dr. Doom has Reed Richards. Magneto has Professor Xavier. Lex Luthor has Superman? Who do I have? I have thought about going around staging disasters like Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable, but I don't think my nemesis necessarily has to be indestructible, so that seems a bit pointless. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. I imagine finding an archenemy is a bit like finding true love, when you find it you just know. And when I do find my archenemy, then I will truly know what kind of supervillain I will be. Until then, I'm doing my homework, studying Books of Doom, Lex Luthor: Man of Steel and other great works of villainy.

And what if I never become the great supervillain I aspire to be? Well, I have back-up plans. I am also interested in the fields of piracy, witchcraft and paranormal expertise.