I debated whether or not to do this, but what the hell. I now offer to you my real time reactions to the season premier of Smallville. I have an alcoholic beverage this time, so I think I'm ready.
Previously on Smallville, nothing entertaining happened. Also, please note that the guy who claims to be "[Clark], only a little more bizarre" is very much not Bizarro, so I will be calling him George. That's bound to be important.
Oooo, water pretty. Cute dog.
Yep, that's a broken dam.
Clark and George have a deep philosophical discussion. Then Clark punches George. That's what I like to see. Maybe we're off to a good start.
Oops, except that's followed by Clark evaporating all the water with his heat vision, which is cheesy. He should have used his re-build-o-vision. I like Clark acting heroic, and towards people he doesn't know even, so points for that, even if it is lame.
Shiny new credits. Michael Rosenbaum finally replaces Kristin Kreuk in the number two slot, where he always should have been, and Allison Mack finally gets the bump up she deserves as the only other cast member in all 22 episodes. Much better Smallville. Unfortunately, Erica Durance has added more fetish-ware to her two credits shots. It was probably hard to find her wearing anything else. They're not even pretending that anyone died by adding the new credits now though. It would have been pointless anyway.
Well there's Kara. If Jeph Loeb was still writing for this show, she'd be naked.
The suck thing about network television is that we did not get to see that beam, or whatever, get run through George or a really good look at the guy burning after he needlessly heat visioned him.
The entire silver hot pants army has drowned! I am so disappointed. I think I will cry.
Lionel's not there Clark he's on Broadway...or washed up somewhere to be saved by some faceless guy.
Uh, how does everyone not know he has superpowers? So dumb. And just stand there and stare at dead Chloe. Good job guys.
Woohoo! Shirtless Tom Welling, and it looks like he's been working out.
One of Supergirl's many powers: having perfectly dry and bouncy curls immediately after getting out of the water. That is impressive.
Shouldn't Lois at least still have blood on her shirt and a hole in it. Wait. Did she change clothes?
1) I still hate Lois. 2) I really hate the word "cuz." Who the fuck says that?
Lex has a female minion. Please be Mercy.
Blah, blah...angel...blah, blah...Lana. I hate that I don't care about Lex scenes.
Lois' ass makes George's face go cracky. Her ass is like the sun. Also, how did that slap not break her hand? And ewww. Why do they have to have scenes like that all the time? What purpose does sexual harassment serve? Couldn't we have just not have had a scene where George grabs Lois' ass and she kind of likes it? That's just so degrading and inappropriate. Oh, and completely pointless.
OH NO! Chloe's dead....or not. Moving on.
That was quick. She's already in the morgue? Also, that had to be freaky to film. Miss Sullivan's immediate family? Like her cousin? Not her dad. Couldn't have that. Nobody would call someone's parents at a time like this.
I have no idea what that spinning thing was. I would have thought there would be more emotion to that scene. Dying did no favors for Chloe's hair.
A person of color! And he's dead. I am so surprised. The phantom is all about the guts, isn't he?
George has all of Clark's twisted thoughts and memories and knows that what Clark and Lex really want is to run away together and rule the world.
I like the deeper voice on George. Is that Tom Welling doing that, or is it digital? It sounds much better than when they deepened Justin Hartley's voice. I like it. Very sexy.
Transformers on DVD October 16th! Awesome!
She was a suck friend, Chloe. She's not worth your tears.
I love Chloe telling him he has to get on with the flying.
Yay, Martian Manhunter! He knows everything about you, Clark. He can read your mind.
Clark has faith in humans? Kidding. I actually liked that little talk they had. Conversations like this between these two are long overdue.
Also, I'm pretty certain whatever the sun can do to George, a good moisturizer would clear it up.
Aww, poor Lex gets knocked out again.
Seven years and they are just addressing the fact that he gets his powers from the sun.
Yay! Punchy! Was that Martian Manhunter flying George out into space or something? Clark looks so proud of himself. I like that.
They really need to stop with the Superman wanting to kill everyone.
Yes, a perfectly natural reaction to the woman you love dying is grabbing your ass, Lois. It combats grief and cures world hunger.
I don't even know how to feel about all this "embracing my destiny" talk now. Last season I loved it, but there's so much back tracking and stalling that it's hard to take seriously.
Musical montage! With FIRE! Eww...and Lana moping. OK, that wig is hilarious. Oh, and Kara found pants. I'm very happy for her.
Well, that was better than expected, and certainly much better than the season finale. Maybe it was the alcohol. It still had crappy pacing though.
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