I <3 Jeff Parker

Jeff Parker is awesome, and there is an interview with him up at Newsarama. Here's an excerpt:

JP: Because the suggested line-up I was originally given mentioned only one woman (I think I suggested Storm) and assumed Giant-Man would be in there. I knew the Wasp had gone gigantic before, so I originally suggested her as being able to go tiny or giant. The editors and VPs thought it might be too confusing, so we opted for her as Giant-Girl only. My thinking was, if I only have two women on this team, then I'm going to make one of them really hard to miss. I'd still rather it be three women. Just like if I were magically in the Marvel offices in the 60's I would beg Stan and Jack to make Angel a girl so the X-Men would have had a different dynamic from the beginning.

I love Giant-Girl, so I am really glad she's there, but I do not understand why having her be able to go tiny or gigantic would be too confusing. That's just dumb. I also love Jeff Parker for wanting to put three girls on the team. That would have been awesome. I wonder who he would have wanted them to be. Good for him for making her stand out as much as possible too. I don't know about making Angel a girl though. (When I was a little girl, I had a crush on him. He was blue then, and I thought the whole blond hair, blue skin and wings combo was really pretty.) That explains the X-Men First Class, vol.2 #1 story with Marvel Girl and the Invisible Girl though, as well as the friendship between Jean and Wanda, both of which I am so grateful for. It's so rare to see girls bond in comic books. It's even more rare to see a mentor relationship between two female characters. As a matter of fact, I don't know that I had ever seen that before. What he did there was so fresh and awesome, and yeah, it really is a very different dynamic.

Anyway, so much love for this man. Go read all his stuff, especially the Spider-Man/Fantastic Four story he did with Mike Wieringo, because it's a totally fun Spider-Man and Fantastic Four story drawn by Mike Wieringo. I can't wait for all his upcoming stuff too. I didn't read any of the 1602 stuff after the first miniseries, even though I liked it a lot, but I am all over this one.

Oh, and the Hulk screaming "Earth just want to be friend!" is my favorite part of "Ego the Loving Planet" too.

Also, 150th post! Woo Hoo! And it was about something positive. Yay for unintentional celebration.

I Suppose This Is Accurate

I like the quiz that said I was Dark Phoenix better though. Rogue has terrible taste in men, except for Magneto. (What? Don't judge me.) Beyond that, her life kind of sucks too.

What female superhero are you??? Rogue Your powers are a curse to you, and often alienate you from the ones you love. You're choatic and confused due to absorbing so many personalities and struggle to maintain who you are. On a better note, you are empathetic to other's problems.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

HBO Is Showing X-Men 3 Right Now

Cyclops has this reaction:



I think my hate of this movie has slightly subsided. It's still really awful though. They couldn't even be bothered to come up with an original title sequence.

No...no...still hate it.

How do you craft a film that makes me hate Hugh Jackman? I don't even know how that's possible.

Well, Scott's dead now, so I better turn this thing off before I start getting angry.

Damn You Marvel!

They just keep dangling Cyclops in front of me:

Something happens in Chapter One that changes everything. It stratifies the world of the X-Men in a clear way. It unifies the heroes in a way they haven’t been for years, and all under Scott Summers. Cyclops steps up huge in this event and will get people talking.

The main character in the whole thing, the character that takes the most prominence, would be Cyclops. He steps up and becomes a leader, like we all knew he had in him, but he might not have shown all that much lately. He takes a very large role in this, but there are a bunch of others.

Expect Cyclops in rare form.

And he's wearing his visor, too. I was expecting him to get his powers back by the end of Astonishing X-Men anyway.

Still no Jean though:

There’s some really big reveals, but there are no resurrections within the pages of this event.

Anyway, I guess I'm gonna have to check out this "Messiah CompleX" thing. I'm kind of excited to see Brubaker write more of Cyclops too. I liked what I saw in Deadly Genesis. But still...I did not want to be reading and X-Event. Grrr...

Scout Attacks! week 12: Hookers, Gorillas, Ducklings and the Goddamn Batman

Before I begin, I would just like to ask why the hell didn't I buy Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder #5? Look at it. It is awesome. I'm thinking of changing my Cyclops quote to either "Out of my way, sperm bank" or "I love being the goddamn Batman!" What is Frank Miller smoking and can I have some?

Action Comics #849: I like what Nicieza was trying to do with this storyline, or at least what I think he was trying to do, but I don't think it really worked. Religion and faith are always a tough subjects to tackle, especially in a mainstream superhero comic where it can't really be tackled head on. I did like the way he wrote Clark/Superman and the fact that Nicieza had Clark ask himself these questions though. When a character professes to believe in something, stand for something, as Superman does, it is important for it what those beliefs actually mean to be addressed periodically. I just think it falls flat here. It's not as compelling as it should be. Still, I think this issue may have been a bit better than the last. The art burns my eyes less, at the very least. I'm not sure though if that's because it's actually better or because I was prepared for it this month.

Batman #665: First of all, I want to say that this issue has a pretty creepy and cool cover. The thing that strikes me most about what Morrison is doing with Batman is not all the craziness, which I do appreciate, but how much humanity he brings to the character. It's always been interesting to me that this character whose main selling point is that he has no super powers is always written as almost completely inhuman in his abilities. Morrison's Batman may be able to do some incredible things, but it's a struggle for him. He has fears. He has pain. He has limitations. He also writes Bruce Wayne as an actual part of who he is rather than just a facade. Maybe this isn't all that new for some people, but from my limited experience with Batman comics, it's fairly rare. I much prefer it this way though. Anyway, alot of stuff happens in this issue. Batman gets his ass saved by a hooker, has a dream that references the three ghosts in Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and reminds us that his back was once broken. (Hey, why was he able to heel his broken back enough to get back to being Batman but Barbara is still in a wheel chair? What gives?) Tim sets off to prove that he's a way better and more worthy son than that crazy Damien kid and almost gets killed. Batman literally rubs himself down in testosterone in order to get enough mojo going to defeat the huge, hooker killing, fake Batman, then chats with Gordon about the big ass conspiracy against him. Meanwhile, Talia is all jealous because Bruce is making out with that supermodel he went out with last issue and Damien needs a full organ harvest and replacement, but his mama's proud of him. (Again, full organ harvest and replacement, and I am sure he will get back to be the bestest little assassin ever, but Barbara is still in a wheel chair. It's like they never even tried to get her better.) It's good stuff. I am really enjoying Morrison's run here.

Countdown #50: I still don't know what I think about this series. A lot of this stuff doesn't make much sense, and I don't mean that in a good way, or even in a I-have-limited-knowledge-of the DC Universe-so-I-don't-get-it way. It's just off. The cliffhanger with Jimmy Olsen is the perfect example of this. Also, how does Jimmy know everyone in the Bat-family's secret identities? Has Supes been a little too loose lipped with his pal? What I do like about this is the Law & Order-like tone to the scene where Jimmy is interviewing Red Hood for information, and the Hannibal Lecter/Clarice Starling vibe I get from Jimmy interviewing the Joker. I find that to be especially promising. The Mary Marvel plot is intriguing, but it would clearly help to be more invested in the character going into it. The scenes with flash's Rogues gallery are entertaining, but feel pointless. There's a lot of harping on trust issues and harping on the Trickster and Pied Piper being turncoats. I'm already getting impatient with that. Finally, this issus also includes the missing Batman/Karate Kid fight from Justice League of America. I'm happy to see that Batman didn't win - he needed help from Black Lightning - just because he got all jealous about Superman ranking Karate Kid as a higher level fighter. Don't worry Batman. Karate Kid may be a better fighter, but Superman still loves you best.

Fables #61: I'm going to get right to it. I am psyched about the reveal of who the Forsworn Knight is (or was, since he's dead) and I hope it leads to us getting to see more of the characters from those particular stories. I also really want to know how he got to be the Forsworn Knight. I'm really worried about Fly Catcher though. I already kind of miss the lovable character he used to be. If anything bad happens to him, I swear....I don't know. I guess I'll be really sad but I will keep reading. Everything else is more talk of intrigue and war plans. Things are obviously building to something big and despite the fact that it is just a lot of talk at this point, the building tension is making for a really good read.

Justice League of America #9: This issue is a little weird because it's still just a lot of talking, but there's also a lot of stuff going on. And we are heavily into a lot of DC continuity and character stuff that I don't understand at all. Frankly, I'm a bit lost on everything. Brad Meltzer just seems to be having so much fun writing this though, and I find it somewhat infectious. Also, I'm really enjoying some of these characters. (Unfortunately, I think I am going to have to start reading JSA, because Power Girl is awesome.) Oddly enough, the thing I didn't get that bothered me most of all was when the group that went to Thanagar to find the Legionnaire Dawnstar, and she wasn't there but someone with her Legionnaire ring is, Roy just randomly monologues about how Hawkman will never get that just because you truly loved one person, it doesn't mean you can't truly love another. What does that mean? Is Hawkman going to fall in love with Dawnstar, or this woman that they thought was Dawnstar but wasn't? Really weird. Anyway, the thing I loved about this issue was the trip to Gorilla City. That two page spread with the Gorillas racing on the dinosaurs was freaking awesome. However, there is no way that Vixen, channeling a cheetah, could keep pace with a Flash, even an old one.

Ultimates #13: It would be so much better if this issue wasn't so late that I can't remember what actually happened in the previous issues. I believe there was more awesomeness before though. I'm glad that Thor didn't turn out to be crazy. That huge spread is just ridiculous. Incredible stuff there. It was, however, really hard to look at on the train, which is where I read this issue. I really wish Millar would stop doing that thing where the hero, or whoever is down, then says something inappropriately smug considering he's down for the count, and then BAM! There's a reversal, whether it be an Asgardian army or Vision showing up to disable Iron Man's army. That's gotten really old, and has been really old since well before Millar even had a career. It's a tired cliche in any medium. Also, it's amazing how much I like drunken, womanizing douchebag Ultimate Tony Stark. Maybe it's because he's an acknowledged as an asshole by himself and others. Also, the drunken Howard Hughes charm goes a long way. Finally, just to show how Millar's Ultimates takes things too the most disturbing extreme of the regular Marvel Universe, we have the continued relationship between Janet and Hank Pym and the Scarlet Witch flirts with an Ultron robot. The thing that really won me over about this issue though was the Captain America flashback at the end. It was a nice book end to Millar and Hitch's story, which started with Captain America way back in Ultimates 1 #1.

X-Men: First Class Special: I love this issue just as much as all the other ones. I don;'t think you are ever going to get a complaint from me about this series. It is pure love. Anyway, this Special is made up of three rather sweet and funny short stories, and three mini comics, all written by Jeff Parker but with different artists. I believe my favorite of the stories is "A Girl and Her Dragon" with art by Paul Smith. Maybe it's just my love for Jean Grey, but this one was especially sweet, and the art was fantastic. The mini comics, all with art by Colleen Coover, were just adorable. I don't think anyone has ever seen a story about Magneto and public restrooms or the X-Men and little ducklings before, but I think the world is a little better now that we have. However, much like Parker's Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four series, I am baffled by the rating. It's obvious that this series is geered towards younger readers, yet the rating is "A" instead of "AA." I am correct in my belief that "A" stands for "Adult" and "AA" stands for "All Ages." Aren't I?

Scout Attacks! week 9: The One Where It Got Its Name

X-Men First Class #8: I recently mentioned that Marvel editorial still had not done anything recently to win back any points with me. Obviously, I erred in that statement, because I forgot about the fact that they decided to make this comic and ongoing series. Thanks, Joe Quesada. I'd say I owe you one, but I bought Civil War and Civil War: Frontline, so I still think you're in the whole there, but maybe a little less than before. Anyway, this is the final issue of the mini series and it may be the best of them. For starters, it has a talking Gorilla. (Note too self: get Agents of Atlas trade.) I love how Parker has captured all of their personalities so well in this series. Scott, though rigid, is not a dick and does have a sense of humor (and no Joss Whedon, he is not Mal). Jean does indeed have a personality. Bobby is funny and sweet (and a complete scene stealer in this series). Warren is completely content with who he is and does not angst about it. Hank is a complete nerd. These are things that so many writers have completely forgotten over the years. Well, nobody has forgotten that Hank is a nerd. He just looks like a freaking cat now. (I will never stop hating that.) Another thing I have really loved about this series is the yearbook pages at the front of each issue with notes on all the characters from the perspective of one of the other characters. They are so insightful, this month's especially because it is from Professor Xavier's perspective, and there is a bonus one at the end from Ken Hale, the aforementioned talking gorilla, who has an outsider's take on the young team. Anyway, this issue is a fun jungle adventure. It gets bonus points for having a hippo attack and hinting at Jean's developing psychic abilities.

52 Week 51: This penultimate issue starts out with our space travelers arriving home. First is animal man, who, as it turns out, really had nothing to worry about as far as his wife hooking up with some other guy. He does however, have to worry about more of Lady Styxx's bounty hunters, who arrive at his front door right in the middle of his welcome home party. Fortunately, a very fatigued Kory, who is returning his jacket to his wife because she thinks he's dead, falls on them. Adam Strange gets new eyes, which is nice for him, but I thought it was pretty cool that he could do all that stuff, like fix his ship and pilot, blind. Lobo is obviously off the pacifist kick now too. We also find out why Skeets went all evil, and it is really unattractive looking. This series has pretty much just petered out. It's a shame, because it has been really strong at points. A really amazing final issue could save it, but since we all know about the return of the Multiverse, it's unlikely that will happen.

Action Comics #848: I really like this issue in concept. I think having Superman deal with a metahuman that is using his powers to enforce a specific set of beliefs, and being forced to confront his own beliefs, could be very powerful. I loved when Lois asked Clark "Whose truth? Whose justice? And what the heck does "the American way" mean exactly?" because if Superman is going to fight for those things, he should understand them. The story just seems to completely lose its way, and its ambiguity, when it becomes clear, through heavily shadowing his face and an overall ominous tone, that the minister is going to be the big bad guy of the piece. There's also the art, which I kind of hate. It is so very stiff and lifeless. And Clark is a little too muscle bound for my tastes. Either that, or he needs to buy sweaters that fit.

Justice Society of America #5: I have never read this comic before, but it is amazing how different in tone this series has to Justice League of America. For one thing, stuff actually happens. It's also all moody and atmospheric, while JLA is very bright. It's almost hard to believe this is a continuation of the same story. Still, there are fun and interesting character interactions and some cool action. I loved when they were fighting all those Batmen. Was it just me, or was one of them fat? Everything in the Fortress of Solitude was great too, though I could not believe it took them so long to realize that there was an extra Legionnaire in that display though. I noticed right a way. He was the only guy without a name underneath him.

Wonder Woman #8/Amazons Attack #1: This all just felt very rushed to me. The Amazons are awfully quick to buy into everything that Circe is feeding them, which seems odd to me because I thought she was their enemy as well as Wonder Woman's. I'm not too sure I liked Diana and Nemesis' interaction in this issue either. It's kind of up and down, which is a shame, because despite some of my gripes, I do like Tom as a character. The inconsistencies in how Diana is being written continue in this issue, as she understands a reference Tom makes to the Washington Capitals. So that's a "yes" on the NHL, but a "no" on pumping gas? Right. I completely buy that. Still, I remain ever hopeful, because there is interesting stuff going on. It's just not being executed all that well. I'm looking forward to seeing what transpires between Diana and her mother. Also, as much as I think it is dumb to change artists mid-story, it is good to have the Dodsons back, if only because Nemesis no longer has a soul patch. Meanwhile, in Amazons Attack, the Amazons attack. It's kind of cool. Men and boys get slaughtered. Good times. I enjoy Pete Woods' art. The jury's still out on Will Pfeifer's story though. I'm mostly interested in seeing what the effect of all this will have on Wonder Woman's standing in society when it is all over. The way I see it, it can go one of two ways. Either public opinion of Wonder Woman will drop even further and her status as enemy of the state will be reaffirmed, or she will be redeemed in the eyes of the government and the public when they see her go up against her own people in order to stop the war. While I could see them going the first route as a way to reaffirm her decision to take on a secret identity, I would prefer option number two. I think it would be a lot more interesting to see Diana carry on as Diana Prince because she wants to instead of because she thinks she needs to.

I haven't really checked out any comic book news in the past few days, so I don't really have and happy news this week, but Spider-Man 3 comes out on Friday. I am so excited. I am going to see it on Saturday, which is also Free Comic Book Day. Could things get any better than that? Actually, yes they could. It's Spider-Man Week in NYC and on Wednesday night I am going to see the Spider-Man comic collection that's on display at the New York Public Library. And here on These Things Matter, I've decided that May is Spidey Month. I've got a few Spidey related posts planned for throughout the month, including a review of the movie, a commemoration of Peter and MJ's 20th wedding anniversary, and a look at my favorite issue of JMS's run on Amazing Spider-Man (hint: it relates to the Spider-marriage, guest stars a recently deceased hero, and features DOOM!). Let's just hope I don't get too lazy to dig out the back issues I need.

Scout Attacks! week 3: Iron Isn't Just His Suit, It's His Cross

Please tell me I don't have to explain that title. Sorry the reviews are late this time around, but I was doing other stuff. Also, I had to write them over the course of two nights.

Superman #660: I could have done without this issue. It was entertaining enough, but I certainly wouldn't have missed it if I had...uh...missed it. I didn't really like the art either. Also, the page where the Prankster dumped the money all over the city with his picture on it reminded me of the 1989 Batman movie. "I want my face on the $1 bill."

New Avengers #28: Luke Cage is awesome. Jessica Jones is even awesomer (it's totally a word). Even Wolverine knows this to be true. Speaking of whom, why is he even there? He's a mutant. This whole Registration Act thing doesn't apply to him. Dr. Strange is OK, but not nearly as awesome as he is in Brian K. Vaughn's Dr. Strange: the Oath. Spider-Woman is, sadly, kind of dumb in this issue, but I guess I can't blame her for wanting to believe her best friend. The pro-Regs pull the most despicable stunt to capture the New Avengers in this issue. Really. Explain to me how they are not evil. Also, the whole flashback to explain how they got out of America is still leaving a lot of questions unanswered. How did the New Avengers end up hanging out at Dr. Strange's house? How and why did Jessica Jones and the baby get back from Canada? Can someone explain to me, a person who is completely unfamiliar with Iron Fist, if this guy has a distinct personality? He traditionally hangs with Luke Cage, right? That means he has to be cool, but I'm not getting any sense of who he is here. Another problem is that despite the fact that black isn't just supposed to be Spider-Man's costume, it's his mood, he's being written exactly the same. I feel like he should be more angry. I don't mind the humor, because he's Spidey and he's going to mask the pain with humor. It's what he does, but I feel like that sense of anger should be coming across too. Also, where's MJ? I suppose she might be sitting at Aunt May's bedside (it would certainly be nice if someone were), but she's just as likely to get arrested as Peter is, if only as a way to get to Peter. I still think it would have been way better if, instead of this whole Aunt May getting shot thing, they did a story where Peter sent Aunt May and MJ to Canada to hang out with Jessica and the baby. I would have totally bought that Civil War tie-in mini series. It would have been like the Odd Couple, except with hot chicks instead of Tony Randall and Jack Klugman, a stern but loving Aunt character, and a baby. Hell, they should pitch that to NBC for a fall 2007 sit-com. My last little gripe is that, while I really like Leinil Yu's art, all his women look exactly the same. It doesn't help that three of them even have the same hair color. I think that an artists ability to draw distinctive looking women should be taken into account when choosing one for a team book, but then I guess Marvel would have to find new artists for both their Avengers titles.

52 Week 45: How pimpin' is that cover? JG Jones rocks! Is it just me, or does Bruno Manheim look like Josef Stalin? I should have scanned a picture and included it here, but I'm far too lazy. Just trust me. He looks like Josef Stalin. That just makes me think of the Josef Stalin from "The Tick vs. Arthur's Bank Account. "THUMBS UP FOR EVIL!" I hope at the end of 52, Manheim runs off with Tuun-La. This hasn't really been a review of the comic, has it? Oh well. I still say "Kill 'em all, Black Adam!"

Fables #28: I think this may have been one of my least favorite issues of Fables ever, not that that really means much, since I still really enjoyed it. It's just a bit underwhelming after that last, absolutely stellar, story arc. Also, sometimes I just feel like Bigby suffers a bit too much from Wolverine Syndrome. He's getting to be too cool. Too unbeatable. I think it's time for him to get his ass kicked, just so the readers don't get too secure in his supremacy at everything. I also think it's time for Snow to do something other than worry about Bigby and/or her cubs. (What? That's what they are.)

Wonder Woman #5: While I'm still pissed about how all the delays have screwed this book over, and that we're not getting the final part of the Heinberg/Dodson story, I'm really glad DCU manned up and gave us something here. I enjoyed the story quite a bit too. I know they're a comic book cliche, but I always enjoy stories about how a superhero can make a difference not just through their actions, but also through the example they set for others. If we are supposed to believe these characters are inspirational figures, then every once in a while that idea needs to be reaffirmed by actually showing them inspiring others. I loved seeing how Diana empowered those women. I'm a bit confused by the ending, since this was supposed to be a one-shot fill in story, but I like the moral complexity of the stories they are telling in this series. And we still got a Dodson cover, despite the fact that they didn't do the interior art. It's gorgeous.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 8 #1: I'm going to try and post something a bit more in depth about this, so for now I will just leave it with my one word review: AWESOME!

Did you expect it to be anything else?

Civil War: The Confession: And now we return to the continuing adventures of Iron Fascist... I know I said I didn't want to ever buy another comic with him in it again, but I saw the preview pages for this and I wanted to see Captain America bitch him out. It made me very happy. Cap's characterization here was a bit too Ultimized, but I don't mind. Iron Fascist was being a total asshole. I do have to admit though, that when Bendis writes Tony Stark, I like him a lot more than in any of the other characterizations I have read during this whole thing. He's still the bad guy, but he's a sympathetic bad guy, like the way some authors write Magneto. He's wrong, but I get why he's doing it, and I can sympathize with what he must be feeling about this whole thing. (It's a good thing I read this before New Avengers though, because what him and the rest of the pro-Regs did in that issue really killed my sympathy.) Still, I'm sure the fact that Tony didn't take a drink through this whole thing would have been cold comfort to Cap, y'know, if Tony had mentioned it to Cap when he was alive. Something that did bother me was Iron Fascist's reiteration of Joe Quesada's standard party line that he knew he'd be the bad guy because everyone roots for the underdog. That's not why I think he's the bad guy. It's the Machiavellian tactics that make him the bad guy. Last I checked, heroes don't normally believe that the ends justify the means, and Tony admitting that it wasn't worth it now is completely meaningless unless he does something to make it right.

OK, as I do every week, I'd like to end on a positive note. X-Men First Class is going monthly in June! Believe it or not, this mini series has been my favorite X-book for the last few months. It's fun and refreshing, and it shows how wonderful those original characters were before crappy storylines ruined them. Jeff Parker won my heart when I read this article, where he said, "And frankly I want to show that Scott Summers is not a dick." (I know he's not a dick, Jeff, mostly because I pretend the Morrison run never happened. I'm pretty good at it too, until I see that Beast looks like a cat. Stupid Morrison!) Best of all, it has Marvel Girl! I miss Jean so much.

I Can Destroy Planets

As you may or may not know, Dr. Doom is my greatest role model of supervillainy, but I can't really be disappointed with these results. I'm not going to go all Jean Grey and let my conscience get the better of me. I plan to revel in the Phoenix Force's power. Just try and stop me, you Shi'ar bastards!

Your results:
You are Dark Phoenix

Dark Phoenix 65% Magneto 59% Apocalypse 57% Mystique 49% Poison Ivy 47% Lex Luthor 47% Dr. Doom 45% The Joker 42% Venom 40% Juggernaut 37% Two-Face 37% Kingpin 33% Riddler 32% Catwoman 32% Green Goblin 29% Mr. Freeze 26%

A prime example of emotional extremes: Passion and fury incarnate.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz...

Astonishing X-Men #17

(I hate when I can't think of more interesting titles for my blog entries.)

OK, that post about Heroes was a brief respite from the recent theme of this blog, but really, we must be getting back to the Joss Whedon gushing. I've actually been meaning to do some gushing on this topic for almost a week. That's right, it's time to throw some praise on Astonishing X-Men #17. Did you read this thing? It was amazing. Up to this point, #14 had been my favorite of this arc. Then issue #16 comes out and it's a pretty dead heat. (That issue did teach us just how badass Kitty's powers can be, after all.) Now #17 comes along and blows away, not only every other issue in this arc, but possibly of the entire series to date. So now I give you random bits of Astonishing X-Men #17 love:

• Kitty Pryde continues to be my new favorite character - I thank god that she's on the side of the angels, 'cause that thing with the pipe in the head was scary
  
• Victorian child Logan
• The end of Victorian child Logan - apparently beer is his spinach, which is just priceless
• Whedon and Cassaday fucking pulled focus in a comic book. Unbelievable
• Lockheed: WTF? That's just...really unexpected
• Cassandra Nova is the scariest looking old bald lady ever
• Cyclops: badass!
• the cover

I also have a question. What is Teenage Negasonic Warhead's power, besides having the coolest name ever? Have I just completely forgotten seeing her use it? I'm going to have to go through the past issues and check that out. I hope I don't have to pull out my E is for Extinction trade paperback, because I have no idea where it is. While I'm at the question asking, why does Scott have a gun?

Honestly, I just can't say enough good things about Whedon, Cassaday, and the whole team on this book. I had forgotten why I once loved the X-Men, and while I have recently decided to give Uncanny and adjectiveless X-Men another chance, and am finding that I mostly enjoy those titles, it's such a joy to be able to just pick up and read an X-Men title without having to worry about whether I am caught up on all the crap baggage that normally comes with reading an X-Men title. With Astonishing I can just enjoy the story and the characters. I can't wait to see how Whedon is going to wrap "Torn" up in the next issue. There are so many balls in the air. We have two Emmas, Ord, Danger, Cassandra Nova's psyche (which was just all kinds of ewww), Teenage Negasonic Warhead (I just like the name), and whatever Emma did to Cyclops' powers. I can only imagine some of that stuff is going to carry over into the next arc, because surely not even Whedon and Cassaday can cram that all into one issue.

On a non-X-Men, but still comic books related note, is anyone reading and Sensational Spider-Man and Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man? I had given both titles up for being completely sucktastic, but now I feel like I'm missing out on stuff. I'm still not sure I am happy about the events of Civil War with regard to Spidey, but I can't deny that it has put Amazing Spider-Man back at the top of my pile of books to read whenever it comes out. JMS is just handling it incredibly well. (The fact that it gets us away from crap like "Sins Past" and "The Other" doesn't hurt at all.) Have the other two books experienced the same bumps in quality?

Another One of Those Quiz Things That I Love

You Are Cyclops

Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause. You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them. Power: force beams from your eyes

Which of the X-Men Are You?

I'm not sure how much of a leader I am, but since Cyclops is my favorite X-Man, I still like the results. I do wonder why my results are never any of the female characters when I take these personality quizzes though.

Do You Know What Happens When a Morlock Gets Hit By Lightning? (Major X3 Spoilers Contained Within)

Apparently you get a really crappy X-Men movie. I had fully intended to give my review of this movie both a geek and non-geek perspective, but my inner geek is so pissed off that it won’t let my inner non-geek have any say at all. My inner non-geek has been bound and gagged and thrown down the storm cellar. That is how pissed off X-Men 3: the Last Stand made her. She’s gone homicidal. Well, maybe it’s just felonious assault and wrongful imprisonment. That said, I don’t think I can actually work up an actual review, so what follows is a list of things that pissed me off and the much smaller list of things I actually liked.

Warning: Major spoilers follow, so don’t continue reading if you haven’t see the movie yet. And if you haven’t seen the movie yet, please come back when you do and let me know what you think, especially if you can come up with a reason for me to not hate this movie. Anyway, here we go:


Things That Pissed Me Off:

• Halle Berry as Storm – this has been a consistent problem with all the X-Men films, but I think it bears repeating.
• It was even more about Wolverine than usual – he even managed to co-opt Cyclops’s grief. Wolverine is apparently the Lana Lang of the X-Men. Also, he cried a lot in this movie. It was very jarring.
• The fact that they turned the Dark Phoenix into little more than Magneto’s thug. Remember how lame they made Bane in Batman & Robin, just standing behind Poison Ivy all the time? That’s pretty much what Dark Phoenix did for most of the movie.
  It’s the Dark Phoenix Saga, but we don’t get to see the Phoenix Force once. She’s just a chick in an ugly red outfit that apparently commands some really fierce winds. Dark Phoenix was completely unimpressive.
• The pointless Rogue/Bobby/Kittie love triangle. I know they read Astonishing X-Men. How could they not realize that Kittie and Piotr are OMG!Meant2B4Eva!? Also, it was just shoehorned in there for pointless teen angst melodrama.
• The fact that they made Juggernaut a mutant and the fact that he looked really fucking awful. What they hell were they thinking when the let that helmet make it on screen?
• Wolverine not asking about Cyclops until after almost having sex with Jean on the exam table. I just love how he and Storm just completely ignored the fact that Cyclops was just gone. His visor is floating around and nobody cares. That’s teamwork people.
• Speaking of teamwork – it seems that someone needs to explaining what it is to Storm, because the Fastball Special is indeed teamwork.
• Uhg! The Sentinel in the Danger Room sequence. First of all, I don’t buy that Wolverine could take out a Sentinel all by himself, at least not that quickly. Second of all, it looked like crap.
• They made Psylocke and Multiple Man villains, and they didn’t even have the decency to let us see Psylocke’s psi-blade.
• How unceremoniously they killed of Cyclops. I don’t know whether to blame FOX and their spiteful ways, or Halle Berry and her insistence on having a bigger role in this installment if she was going to come back. I’m inclined to blame them all and hate them equally.
• The slightly less, but still unceremonious killing of Professor Xavier. Having Wolverine fall to his knees crying did not make it a dramatic moment. It just made it funny.
• The fact that they took away all of Professor Xavier’s ethics. Putting up mental blocks in Jean’s mind? Setting up shop in someone else’s body? So wrong. I know Xavier acts like a douchebag in the comic books now, but it has been earned and developed over years. The Xavier of this movie apparently never thought anything of playing around in other people’s heads. He’s why people are anti-mutant.
• Did Storm kill Callisto? Why not? Apparently none of the ideals of the X-Men have any meaning in this movie anyway. In the comic books, Storm defeated Callisto without her powers and refused to kill her, even though it was technically a battle to the death for control of the Morlocks (which Storm needed to win in order to save the lives of her fellow X-Men). It was Storm’s defining moment, and established her as truly worthy to lead the X-Men. This movie just insisted on making a mockery of all the great X-Men moments though. Why should Storm come off any better? She’s already being played by Halle Berry.
• Rogue taking the mutant cure. What the fuck? For the sake of their stupid Dawson’s Creek subplot? Bullshit!
• Beast using the mutant cure on Magneto. I assume this was the plan that they worked out as a team. So as a team, Storm, Beast, and Wolverine decided to go against everything Xavier stood for and for the cure on someone?
• Jean Grey does not have a split personality. She is possessed by the Phoenix Force. Jean Grey is not just some crazy freak. And in the end, they even take a way her moment of self sacrifice to once again make it all about Wolverine. I hated that the most. Maybe. No, I still hated them killing Cyclops the most. The character assassination of Jean Grey comes in second.

Things I Actually Liked:

• Angel – When he was flying he looked good, and the character was true to form. Warren is a rich kid, dearly loves to fly and would never give up that freedom, and he even got to have an unperverted hero moment hero moment when he saved his father.
• Kittie Pryde – I thought the actress was pretty good and the characterization, what little there was of it, was good too. Don’t know about her calling Juggernaut a dickhead though.
• Leech – I just liked that they even mentioned him, let alone had him in the movie.
• Beast – Kelsey Grammer was great. And they had him say “Oh my stars and garters.” That made the geek in me smile. I also thought it looked really great when he was fighting. It was all very Beast-like. And Wolvie called him furball too, which I also liked a lot.
• The Fastball Special
• Bobby getting all iced up – it looked like crap, but after 3 movies, it was about damn time we got to see Iceman really be Iceman.
• When Wolverine was fighting that guy whose arms kept growing back, and then he just kicked him in the groin and said “Grow those back.” Heh. That was Wolverine.
• The fact that they killed Cyclops so early in the movie – yes it’s my most hated thing about the movie, but the fact that he died so early meant that they couldn’t have him do something completely out of character like join Magneto or something. I really think they would have done that.
• I suppose it was a good summer popcorn flick if you didn’t care about any of the characters or the stories the movie was supposedly based on.

OK, so did I miss anything? Is there good stuff I overlooked? Is there bad stuff I blocked out? Am I completely off? Let me know what you think.

Enthusiasm Waning

I finally got around to watching the X-Men clip that aired on Fox last Thursday night (you can tell how excited I was to see it). It’s amazing how everything I see with regard to this movie just makes me less enthusiastic about it. First there was the clip I got from YouTube, which was just terrible. Even Wolverine was bad in it, and he’s the one character they have always gotten right. (I think Jackman is holding back, saving the goods for when he gets his own movie.) And I pretty much officially hate Halle Berry now. She is so not Storm. The Sentinel looked awful. The dialogue was atrocious. In general, it just didn’t look good. At least it had the Cannonball Special, though. That filled me with fangirl glee.

But on to the Fox clip. The worst thing about it was that it just wasn’t all that exciting. And no one really looks all that good. Beast should be furrier. Warren should be more handsome. Juggernaut should not make me laugh. The whole scene where the mutants are having a meeting to discuss the cure and Magneto gets up and makes a big speech just looked cheesy. It just looked so…phony street urchin or something. Remember how crazy the gangs in The Warriors looked? I got that kind of vibe from the assorted mutants, except instead of brightly colored spandex, it was just variations on black. If they are not going to be wearing their costumes, just let them dress like normal people. I couldn’t even figure out who any of them were supposed to be. Also, the whole thing just really lacked a certain cinematic quality. I thought it should have an epic feel, but it just seemed to be lacking. Hopefully it will look better on the big screen.

Another problem I have with the whole thing is the plot. I just can’t get excited about the mutant cure when not too long ago, Joss Whedon dealt with that topic in Astonishing X-Men. And he did it brilliantly. I know that’s not the only mutant cure storyline, but it’s the one I’m familiar with, and it’s the most recent, so it’s what this film has to live up to. Are Brett Rattner and the writers up to the task of matching on film what Joss Whedon and John Cassaday were able to do in the comic books?

Finally, Comics Continuum has an interview with James Marsden, aka Cyclops. There’s some interesting stuff about the character. I’m not sure about the “role reversal” between Scott and Logan in the movie, but since Scott is grieving for his wife (get used to it buddy), I’m keeping an open mind. Technically, he should be married to some chick that looks just like Jean and living in Alaska, but I don’t think we’ll be seeing that. What worries me is that they say “Cyclops is featured heavily early in X-Men: The Last Stand.” What happens to him for the rest of the movie?

Speaking of Cyclops, something else that bothered me about the clip that aired on Fox, was Wolverine trying to be the sensitive one talking to Cyclops about Jean’s death. They tried that at the end of X2 also, and it didn’t work then. And Logan just says wholly inappropriate things, like “Maybe it’s time for us to move on.” The guy who has a thing for the grieving husbands dead wife does not get to use the word “us” when referring to their grieving process. I mean, how obnoxious is that to remind a guy that while his wife was a live, you were constantly trying to put the moves on her?

All that said, I'm still going to see it opening weekend.