It Could Have Been A Lot Worse

I debated whether or not to do this, but what the hell. I now offer to you my real time reactions to the season premier of Smallville. I have an alcoholic beverage this time, so I think I'm ready.

Previously on Smallville, nothing entertaining happened. Also, please note that the guy who claims to be "[Clark], only a little more bizarre" is very much not Bizarro, so I will be calling him George. That's bound to be important.

Oooo, water pretty. Cute dog.

Yep, that's a broken dam.

Clark and George have a deep philosophical discussion. Then Clark punches George. That's what I like to see. Maybe we're off to a good start.

Oops, except that's followed by Clark evaporating all the water with his heat vision, which is cheesy. He should have used his re-build-o-vision. I like Clark acting heroic, and towards people he doesn't know even, so points for that, even if it is lame.

Shiny new credits. Michael Rosenbaum finally replaces Kristin Kreuk in the number two slot, where he always should have been, and Allison Mack finally gets the bump up she deserves as the only other cast member in all 22 episodes. Much better Smallville. Unfortunately, Erica Durance has added more fetish-ware to her two credits shots. It was probably hard to find her wearing anything else. They're not even pretending that anyone died by adding the new credits now though. It would have been pointless anyway.

Well there's Kara. If Jeph Loeb was still writing for this show, she'd be naked.

The suck thing about network television is that we did not get to see that beam, or whatever, get run through George or a really good look at the guy burning after he needlessly heat visioned him.

The entire silver hot pants army has drowned! I am so disappointed. I think I will cry.

Lionel's not there Clark he's on Broadway...or washed up somewhere to be saved by some faceless guy.

Uh, how does everyone not know he has superpowers? So dumb. And just stand there and stare at dead Chloe. Good job guys.

Woohoo! Shirtless Tom Welling, and it looks like he's been working out.

One of Supergirl's many powers: having perfectly dry and bouncy curls immediately after getting out of the water. That is impressive.

Shouldn't Lois at least still have blood on her shirt and a hole in it. Wait. Did she change clothes?

1) I still hate Lois. 2) I really hate the word "cuz." Who the fuck says that?

Lex has a female minion. Please be Mercy.

Blah, blah...angel...blah, blah...Lana. I hate that I don't care about Lex scenes.

Lois' ass makes George's face go cracky. Her ass is like the sun. Also, how did that slap not break her hand? And ewww. Why do they have to have scenes like that all the time? What purpose does sexual harassment serve? Couldn't we have just not have had a scene where George grabs Lois' ass and she kind of likes it? That's just so degrading and inappropriate. Oh, and completely pointless.

OH NO! Chloe's dead....or not. Moving on.

That was quick. She's already in the morgue? Also, that had to be freaky to film. Miss Sullivan's immediate family? Like her cousin? Not her dad. Couldn't have that. Nobody would call someone's parents at a time like this.

I have no idea what that spinning thing was. I would have thought there would be more emotion to that scene. Dying did no favors for Chloe's hair.

A person of color! And he's dead. I am so surprised. The phantom is all about the guts, isn't he?

George has all of Clark's twisted thoughts and memories and knows that what Clark and Lex really want is to run away together and rule the world.

I like the deeper voice on George. Is that Tom Welling doing that, or is it digital? It sounds much better than when they deepened Justin Hartley's voice. I like it. Very sexy.

Transformers on DVD October 16th! Awesome!

She was a suck friend, Chloe. She's not worth your tears.

I love Chloe telling him he has to get on with the flying.

Yay, Martian Manhunter! He knows everything about you, Clark. He can read your mind.

Clark has faith in humans? Kidding. I actually liked that little talk they had. Conversations like this between these two are long overdue.

Also, I'm pretty certain whatever the sun can do to George, a good moisturizer would clear it up.

Aww, poor Lex gets knocked out again.

Seven years and they are just addressing the fact that he gets his powers from the sun.

Yay! Punchy! Was that Martian Manhunter flying George out into space or something? Clark looks so proud of himself. I like that.

They really need to stop with the Superman wanting to kill everyone.

Yes, a perfectly natural reaction to the woman you love dying is grabbing your ass, Lois. It combats grief and cures world hunger.

I don't even know how to feel about all this "embracing my destiny" talk now. Last season I loved it, but there's so much back tracking and stalling that it's hard to take seriously.

Musical montage! With FIRE! Eww...and Lana moping. OK, that wig is hilarious. Oh, and Kara found pants. I'm very happy for her.

Well, that was better than expected, and certainly much better than the season finale. Maybe it was the alcohol. It still had crappy pacing though.

Just Some Stuff

I'm still catching up. I've been trying to work on some stuff for another project. Hopefully, I will get another batch of reviews before I start reading The Deathly Hollows, but I don't know how long my willpower can hold out. Also, Say Anything was on, and that's never conducive to work. Anyway, just a few things I wanted to mention.

KryptonSite has a first look at Smallville's Supergirl, Laura Vandervoort. I'd say she looks pretty much exactly as I expected her to look. She's a pretty girl, but mostly she looks like every other skinny blond girl in Hollywood, or Vancouver, whichever. Is it wrong that I wish she were wearing more clothing? I should just be happy that she's wearing incredibly short shorts instead of an incredibly short skirt.

Also, Wolverine has a director, and it's not Brett Ratner. I'm kind of optimistic now. I haven't seen Tsotsi, but pulling directors out of the indie worlds has worked really well for comic book films in the past though. Now if we can just make sure it doesn't include three scenes of him crying, we'll be OK.

I did, however, think that it was weird that the Variety article on the announcement (via The Beat), states:

Using several resources that include the Marvel Comics lore, along with the more recent Weapon X graphic novels by Barry Windsor-Smith and work by Frank Miller, "Wolverine" mixes action with an origin story about how Logan emerged from a barbaric experiment as an indestructible mutant with retractable razor-sharp claws.

Did I miss something? I do not remember any Frank Miller Wolverine comics. Nothing about Wolverine is mentioned on Miller's Wikipedia page either. It looks like the article was changed too, since it is quoted at The Beat as reading "Using several resources that include the Marvel Comics lore, along with more recent Weapon X graphic novels by Frank Miller." So, am I just unable to find these comics, or , after Sin City and 300, are they just saying that everything is written by Frank Miller these days? I think I'd be interested in reading a Wolverine comic by Frank Miller. Logan's already just ridiculous enough for it to not make too big a difference.

Finally, there's the news about Seth Rogen writing and possibly staring in a Green Hornet movie. I don't know how I feel about that. They better cast someone who totally kicks ass as Kato though, because I don't really have a lot of faith that Rogen can pull off the action.

Scout Attacks! week 15: Tuocs Skcatta!

It was a decent week though. I forgot to pick up Supernatural: Origins #2 though. I hate it when I do that.

Countdown #47: So, Jimmy Olsen is having freaky dreams, the Monitors are making big speeches and targeting Jason Todd, Donna Troy and Kyle Rayner, the Rogues share a moment, and Mary Marvel gets Black Adam's powers. While the I thought the scene between Trickster and Pied Piper was nice, the Mary Marvel part was the only thing about this issue that was truly interesting. That's why it was too bad that it didn't make much sense. The last time I saw Black Adam he was looking to get his powers back. Now he has them and doesn't want them. It's an obvious attempt to get me to read the upcoming Black Adam mini series, and while I think it was probably successful, I'm very close to dropping this title, so I think DC is losing out in the long run. The basic problem with this series is that it is far too uneven, and unlike 52, which hooked me on the characters from the beginning, Countdown has yet to really make me care more than mild curiosity. It doesn't help that the end of the last issue made a big deal about what it might mean for a god to die and then this issue had no follow through on that. It destroys the whole impact and forward momentum.

Birds of Prey #107: As I suspected, the cover is very misleading, but this was still a rollicking good issue. We've got everyone just brawling, some truly awesome Harley Quinn lines, Huntress and Catman being the sensible ones, while also being flirty (more of this pairing, please), and a really great Deadshot moment. Really great. We do lose a member of the team though, but I think it was worth it to see Zinda take out Spysmasher like that. I am very much looking forward to the Babs/Spysmasher showdown in the next issue. It should be good.

Detective Comics #833: It amazes me that I had dropped this title at one point. Sure I wound up going back and picking up the issues I missed, but there was still a point where I didn't think it was worth continuing to read this title. I am completely flummoxed over how it got from that point to this really great issue. There's so much good here from the character stuff, to the suspense, to a reveal at the end that I really did not see coming. There are also a bunch of Alan Moore references. It's also really nice to see Zatanna clothed here, unlike the last time I saw her where she appeared to be wearing her underwear while helping Superman.

Superman #663: This is one of those issues that is probably essential to the story arc, but feels inconsequential right now. Still, I thought it was fairly entertaining. All the stuff with the New God youngsters was pretty cute. I'm interested to see if anything is going to happen there now that Lightray is dead. It's clear that a lot of stuff is being set up with Arion too. It's no surprise though that Superman has decided not to just sit back and watch civilization crumble. He is Superman after all. I just kind of hope this doesn't lead to a storyline where Superman gets mind controlled and destroys a bunch of stuff, but then snaps out of it and all is better. This whole concept is pretty intriguing and I would like to see the story come to a more satisfying conclusion than that. It's all been pretty philosophical so far, and while there definitely needs to be some action, I don't want things to just end with a brawl.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer #4: This is the last issue of this arc and it's plainly clear that Whedon isn't even trying to reach out to readers that are not familiar with the television show. Warren, aka skinless guy, doesn't even get a name check. I guess that's OK though since, judging by sales, there are a lot more Buffy watchers than comic book readers. That's probably the biggest flaw with this series, but since I am a Buffy fanatic, I don't really have many problems at all with this series. I will say that it has been a little strange the way the story is unfolding though, because it sort of follows the format of the television series, in that while this storyline has ended, it's really just a set up for things to come, but it's different because what was multiple issues here probably would have been cut down to a single episode. The effect is something unlike a normal comic series, but also unlike the television series and is therefore taking some getting used to. Moreso that any of the action is this issue, what was good was the future potential of what was being set up. Willow is rescued, but Buffy and the slayers clearly have bigger things to worry about, and I love that Whedon is revisiting the issue of what a slayer actually is, while also questioning a lot of what Buffy has done when she chose to give all this power to these young women. Nothing's ever black and white with this franchise and everything has consequences. It will be interesting to see how far Whedon can take this without undermining the female empowerment message that he clearly set out to make with the show's series finale. Also, I've never been one of those fans that outright hated Dawn, though I was often frustrated with the character, so I am interested in seeing what develops in Buffy and dawn's relationship. We know that Buffy loves Dawn so much she was willing to sacrifice her life for her, but ever since then there has been an ever growing gulf between them. I think repairing that bond is going to be very important to Buffy and her humanity in the coming months.

Loners #3: I have a confession to make. I have always liked Phil Urich. Sure I thought it was a bit idiotic to try and be a good guy version of the Green Goblin, but that's one of the things I like about him - that he tried. This issue is told from his perspective, and well, he's a little messed up. He's trying to keep everything under control, for him and the group, but he's obviously ready to snap. It doesn't help that they have some major problems with Julie Power now in the hospital after being attacked by Hollow, formally known as Penance before Speedball stole her name, and the leader of the MGH dealers after them because Hollow escaped. In the end, Mickey makes a mysterious deal to make there problems go away, but nobody really feels good about what has happened. Phil does now have a smitten Hollow sleeping on his floor though (and it is absolutely adorable when she kisses him earlier in the book). I'm really enjoying this series, and I really hope Marvel sees fit to make it an ongoing. It's interesting because it isn't a superhero series at all really, but it deals with the issues of being a superhero in a way that I don't think I've seen before. Oh, and this issues John Hughes movie cover inspiration is Weird Science, for anyone keeping track.

Spider-Man Family #3: Usually, the most enjoyment I get out of this title is from the reprints and Mini Marvels stories, which are always adorable, but the new story in this one is really good Tobin does a good job with all the characters and the art is really different and cool. There's just one thing that kept me from loving it. Why didn't Spider-Man see the brick that is floating, practically, right in front of his face?

Uncanny X-Men #487: I had dropped this title during the Shi'ar arc because it was boring and the pacing was all off, but bringing in Storm got me to give it another chance, because, well, Brubaker is good enough for me to think of the previous arc as an anomaly and Storm is cool. So far, this story seems pretty interesting, and given that it is only 5 issues long, I'm confidant that it will hold up better than the last, which also started out as fairly interesting. It seems I did miss quite a bit though, as Corsair is now dead. I wonder if they showed Scott's reaction to that. Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing what's going on with the Morlocks in the post-M-Day Marvel Universe, and I always think it's interesting to see Storm dealing with them. Also, as much as I think everything with Magneto is kind of a mess right now, I'm interested to see if Brubaker brings him back. Somehow I think that if anyone could right Magneto really well at this point, it would be him.

In other news, Smallville has announced that they have added Supergirl to their already over inflated cast. Kara is going to be 19, with a rebellious streak and able to fly...before Clark. This is part of Millar and Gough's ongoing plan to make the lamest incarnation of Superman ever.

Nobody's Dead. None of This Means Anything. I Wasted an Hour When All the Interesting Stuff Was in the Last 3 Minutes.

OK, I am so not in the mood to watch Smallville right now. I would much rather be watching The Office, but I said I would do this. I am nothing if not a woman of my word. There better be a kick ass fight scene and a shirtless Tom Welling. Rosenbaum should show some skin too. This would probably be better if I had been prepared with some alcohol. Let's just get this show on the road. Shall we?

There's a previously on Smallville. It illustrates just how much cooler the first half of the season was to the second.

Ooooo...Quebec. I bet even this is Vancouver. I liked the way you saw the red glow of Martian Manhunter's eyes before you saw him. It's an exorcism. Cool! Martian Guts! I see why this isn't working. You need a young priest and an old priest. It's Lex! He's got people with guns. And fwooosh! There goes the phantom!

I so love that the Clark/Zod mid-air cuddle from the season premier is in the credits.

I registered to play that Justice and Doom game, but I never even read any of the emails they sent me.

What is this Hidden Palms? Will it be very trashy? I could get on board a trashy summer soap, but it's gotta be very trashy. And campy.

Oh, Supernatural! There's the show I'm really looking forward to. Jensen Ackles is so pretty!

Lex is giving orders over the phone. Lionel tells him he looks worried. I miss Lionel's hair. If I were Lex, I would be worried too. His minions suck ass. Woah! Lex has security footage? I know they established that at the beginning of the season, but I figured they just forgot about it. Now Lana seems especially dumb. Dumber than usual even, because she knew about the security cameras too. Poor, poor deluded Lex. I know Lex is all evil, but he's just too pathetic.

Hey look! Someone remembers Jonathan. Have I ever mentioned how awful this Martha Kent, Senator thing is? She's never been elected to anything! The people of Kansas are being disenfranchised. Yes! Clark, move out of Smallville. Why are any of these people still in smallville. Grow the fuck up! Get a job! Go to school! Do something with your life! Wait. Who is going to take care of the farm if Clark doesn't? Y'know, they really should have given Martha Kent a better send off. Or something to do this year.

It's Lois, Lois Lane, general Sam Lane's daughter, the reporter, and that blond chick. OK, I admit to not paying that much attention to the last episode, but I do not remember Wes repeating a sequence of numbers. Do you? So Lois knows what happened to Chloe's mom? Does she know that Chloe's a meteor freak? Or that Lex abducted Chloe? This is lame. Also, when did Chloe start advocating backing down? And when did Lois get so smart? And if Lois knew about Chloe's mom, what was the point of the bullshit contrivance of having her know Wess Keenan? Shouldn't everything with Chloe and her mom have been enough for her to want to bring Lex down? This show fucking sucks!

A dam. No Beavers though. I like this scientist guy's voice. Y'know, if Lex and Clark had never broken up, Lex would have plenty of alien DNA. He'd just have to remember not to swallow. There's Lex's army of silver hot pants wearing super soldiers. Only Smallville could make that concept quite this gay, which is why I still kind of love this show sometimes.

What are the odds that FF2 will suck as bad as the first one? Seeing as Jessica Alba is still in it, I'm guess pretty good.

Oh, no. A Clana barn scene. Somebody save me from this crap. Well, at least they're not in the loft. Also, no crappy alt rock music. Superman loves destroying marriages. Yes, the most important thing for you to do is spend all your time protecting Lana, Clark. As much as I hate this, it's about fucking time Clark told Lana the truth. This blows. After all the fucking things they have done on this show, I have serious trouble believing Kryptonite could give Clark more than severe cramps. I get those once a month. He'll take some Midol, and everything will be fine. I don't see what the big deal is.

Good job, Clark. Beat up an old man. Hey, Martian Manhunter and Clark actually talked. Sort of.

Lexana confrontation. This fake baby plot makes no fucking sense. What kind of a monster is he? A really pathetic one. He wasn't even getting laid. It would have been much better if he was like, messing with the fetus, or impregnated her with a clone or something. See, I should be upset that Lex slapped her, but I'm not. He should have followed it up with beating her with a stick.

Martian Manhunter worked for Jor El? That's lame. And where the hell has MM been all these years if he's supposed to have been watching Clark? I bet he could have used his help fighting Zod?

Clark is using a computer! He can do that? Crazy! Right! Lana leaving Lex is completely on par with the super powerful phantom being on the loose. Oh, and Chloe gets to make that hurt face again. Just what I wanted to see.

Lois gets stabbed in the gut yet is still able to knock out the security guard. Of course. Good to know she hasn't actually become intelligent though. Everyone knows you don't pull the knife out. Dumbass. And why call Chloe, instead of say, I don't know 911? She did that in an "Arrow" also and I didn't get it then either.

Why did Lionel look upset that Lex hit Lana? Why does he care? I don't think I like good guy Lionel. Obviously he needs to grow his hair out again in order to get his mojo back. Maybe when his stint on Broadway is done.

Lana's car exploded! Notice how we didn't actually see her get in it. Damn it! I really wanted to enjoy that. I've enjoyed all her other deaths. The spoilers said we were supposed to see and arm. Where was the arm? Where was the ARM?! Did I mention that this show sucks?

My pretend husband is on the MLB O7 commercial. I can't fast forward through David Wright. Seeing him actually made me feel a little better. I think I'm ready to get back to the show now.

Lionel tells Clark about Lana's death because that's totally what he should be dealing with now. That phantom is completely unimportant. Tom Welling tries to cry. It's not of the good.

Lois is dead. It won't last. The good deaths never do. OH my GOD! I knew about the freaking healing tears and it actually managed to be even cheesier looking than I imagined. At least it wasn't green. It was supposed to be green originally. I'm not sure whether Chloe is near death or just catatonic there, but I can't even begin to tell you how pissed off I am that her freaking power is, on top of being a lame, passive one, something that almost freaking kills her. I've ranted about this a lot on line since I originally heard the spoiler, but it sucks. It sucks so much. I hate the fact that she gets victimized be her own freaking power.

Justice and Doom. Stuff happens. I can't read what's going on because I'm not wearing my glasses. I bet it would have been a lot more fun to see a show about that stuff though. Looks like it has superheroes. I wish this show had superheroes.

There's only 9 minutes left and there has been absolutely no action.

Now Lex is strapping little boys to tables. He went from Aquaman, to Cyborg, to Chloe, to this French Canadian kid. Is there no bottom to the depth of his depravity? What a perve. Oh, but the kid killed a guy! Too bad it was Lex's only competent and loyal minion. Still, I love seeing little kids kill people. That was awesome.

I would say it's nice that they named the dam after Christopher Reeve, but I'm not sure how much of an honor being associated with this show is anymore.

Clark goes to beat up another powerless mortal because of Lana. It's a good thing the phantom showed up. Otherwise Clark would probably be a murderer right now. Also, the world would be doomed, what with the phantom leaping from body to body every 24 hours. It'd take a long time, but I'm sure he would have gotten to everyone eventually, not to mention killed a lot of people along the way.

It's too bad the phantom couldn't stay in the little kid. I would have liked to see the Clark vs. little boy battle. Why did a big, silver Superman shield show when the phantom entered Clark?

Hey, it's a Clark double! The fun part of that is Tom Welling playing evil. He does it well. Of course we cut away from the fight to see Lex getting arrested for Lana's murder. I don't buy it. Lex is supposed to be really powerful. If they take forever to arrest actors, they are not going to arrest Lex this quickly. Also, she's not dead.

Great job there Lionel. You made him stronger. "I'm you, only a little more bizarre." Who writes these fucking crappy ass lines? Also, maybe it's just me, but I want my Bizarro to be more than just Clark with a better outfit. Woah! Woah! Did they just run at eachother at superspeed and bounce off one another? That's hilarious. Oh, and now Bizarro's flying away, and has somehow developed Bizarro face. That transition actually kind of looked like crap.

Is it wrong that I don't care how Lois, Chloe and Lionel get out of the dam that's about to collapse. I know they will, and I suspect that, much like in the season premier, they'll have to deal with it themselves since Clark will be off fighting another bad guy who can fly while he still can't. Stupid show. I just hope that in the season premier, Welling is actually wearing Bizarro makeup, instead of that crap CGI.

Well, that was more boring than anything else. There should have been more punching. I'm sure it would have been better had I not been completely spoiled, but it's really not my fault their writers throw there scripts out in public airports where anyone can find them. Stupid writers.

All the World Is Waiting for Her

So for all the problems the Wonder Woman title - Heinberg and his many delays, the fill-in story for issue #5, the dubious talents of Jodi Picoult - all is not lost. There is good news too. Wonder Woman: The Greatest Stories Ever Told came out today, finally righting that long injustice, and it's been confirmed that Gail Simone is going to be taking over the title with issue #13. Apparently, the fans have spoken and DC has finally listened. It's almost enough to make me stop bitching about how much editors suck, at least at DC. (Marvel editors haven't done anything to redeem themselves yet.)

Newsarama posted this interview with Simone on Friday, and she just put things in perspective. This, particularly, gets me excited about the character:

The book is about the best goddamned warrior planet Earth has ever known, and she happens to carry a mystical arsenal around just for the hell of it.

If a writer can’t make that interesting and fun, they really shouldn’t be writing superheroes.

There are layers upon layers of the character, and we’ll get to them all. But let’s just make it very clear that Diana is the premiere asskicker in the DCU, period. Batman and Superman have other things that make them special. Diana is the one who occasionally carries an axe if someone gives her lip.

This is actually in my first issue, but the quote is, “When a giant robot attacks Metropolis, send Superman. An alien attack? Get Green Lantern. When a car is hijacked by an escaped loony, turn on the bat signal, by all means. But if an ARMY shows up on your doorstep, that’s when you call in Wonder Woman.

Simple.

This part isn't bad either:

This is a great question. First, I hate the supposed ‘dichotomy,’ that she preaches peace while fighting. This is not contradictory at all. It’s not ‘a’ or ‘b,’ it’s ‘a’ AND ‘b.’ It’s like saying a cop is a hypocrite when they say they want to keep the peace, just because they might have to wrestle a perp to the ground on occasion. Diana’s both. She loves the light, but she’s right at home in the dark, too. She can do dark.

Actually, I have to say that this was the thing about Wonder Woman that got me a while back, the fact that, as Simone says, "She loves the light, but she's right at home in the dark, too." I think it's that ability to be both that sets her apart from Batman and Superman as more than just the girl. When I realized that, and I can't even say how and why I realized it (but I'm sure it was probably while I was watching the Justice League cartoon, since the work of Bruce Timm is pretty much the source of all my DCU love), it's when I started to really get the character, and love her. Sure, I still think it makes absolutely no sense that an Amazon is a great symbol of peace, since the Amazons raped, plundered and pillaged with the best of them (which is why they were cool), or that the Greek gods would care about sending an ambassador of peace to humanity, since they were all about messing with and screwing over the humans, but once you let go of all that, there isn't any reason why a person can't preach peace and be a warrior. It's not like she's out there committing random acts of violence.

Anyway, all that character stuff is great, but this is what really made me think Gail Simone was writing specifically for me: "Of course, since she’s punching a monkey off a waterfall on page three, maybe that’s not the best example." Let's just take a closer look at those words: "punching a monkey off a waterfall." MONKEY!

So, in honor of that bit of awesomeness, and, of course, in honor of Gail, I give you:

And if that fills you with joy, like it does for me, you are going to want to watch Smallville this Thursday (4/19). I know that watching that show isn't normally conducive to the bringing of joy, but this week it has Lynda Carter! For her, I would watch even if I wasn't a complete masochist who watches the show every week even without something as awesome as Wonder Woman herself to look forward to. She's still gorgeous too. It looks like it might be a halfway decent episode too.

Supernatural is going to be new as well, so that you definitely don't want to miss.

Can We Please Rethink All These Remakes?

According to this Dark Horizons article (which I found via Kryptonsite), there is a new, and rather horrifying, addition to the ever growing ranks of 80s films. Apparently the youth of the 21st Century simply could not survive without a version of Teen Wolf to call their very own.

That's right. They're remaking Teen Wolf.

I'm not even that pissed about this. I just don't get it, and I don't get it on a lot of levels. As much as I loved the movie as a child - a love supported entirely by the universal appeal Michael J. Fox had to all little girls and the typical lack of taste associated with my age at the time and the decade - it's not a very good movie. It's actually a pretty bad movie. It's certainly a bad werewolf movie. He doesn't even kill anyone.

Now, I have long said that the best remakes are the ones that take movies with good ideas and bad executions, and do them better. The 2001 version of Ocean's 11 is a prime example of a great remake. The original film, could have been good, but aside from having the coolest cast ever (I'm talking the entire Rat Pack and then some), it has nothing much to offer. I don't even think I've ever been able to sit through the whole thing. The remake, on the other hand, has an equally high profile, if far less cool, cast, plus a fun and exciting script and a director at the top of his form. (I always find it ironic that the 2001 Ocean's 11 is what I always use as an example of a remake that should be made, while Ocean's 12 is always one of my examples of sequels that should never have been made.) Well, I would agree that Teen Wolf had a poor execution, but I'm not even sure it was a good idea. Even if it was a good idea, it's certainly not an original idea.

In case you don't remember, I'll give you a rundown of what Teen Wolf was about:

• Awkward and unpopular teen develops an ability that suddenly makes him popular
• Teen lets sudden popularity go to his head
• Teen becomes a total jerk and neglects his true friends for his current gang of hanger ons
• Teen learns valuable lessen, fights bully, reconnects with dorky unpopular friends and ditches his hot and popular girlfriend for the the cute and loyal best friend who has always had a crush on him.

I saw the 2000s' version of this movie. It's called Sky High, and it's actually really good. You should rent it. Not being a teenager anymore, I don't watch as many teen movies as I used to, but I'm willing to bet Sky High is the only movie from this generation with that exact same plot either. So why exactly do we need a remake of Teen Wolf? What exactly could be the appeal of such a movie in light of the fact that there are so many others like it?

Oh right, the Teen Wolf remake is going to be about a girl. That makes all the difference. I hope it stars Amanda Bynes, because I just don't think anyone else could pull of such a unique role. Except for maybe Hilary Duff, or Ashlee Simpson. It's deffinitely time for her to make her big screen debut. She might have trouble grasping the concept of ADR though, since it's pretty much the opposite of lipsynching.

It just seems to me that if they really wanted to do yet another variation on this theme, they could have done it without remaking yet another mediocre 80s film. Is everyone in Hollywood so creatively bankrupt that they couldn't come up with a different ability for this girl to develop? Couldn't she become psychic or turn into a gazelle or anything other than becoming a werewolf (or a witch, because that's been done too). I have to admit though, considering how much hair removal is associated with a girl's coming of age, the idea of a teenage girl that becomes popular because of some rather extreme hair growth amuses me to no end. Time to throw out those pink razors, girls.

On a sidenote, poor Tom Welling. Is he doomed to a film career that consists entirely of crappy remakes? That's too bad. Surely anyone who can manage to make Smallville's version of Clark Kent even remotely likeable (and Tom Welling's really had his work cut out for him the past couple of weeks) deserves better than this? He's not even the star of this one. Oh God, and I certainly hope they aren't going to try and pass him off as a teen. The nineteen or twenty he's supposed to be on Smallville is ridiculous enough. Seeing him in a high school would be enough to produce giggle fits.

Edited to add that it appears that the Tom Welling connection is just one of those vicious internet rumors. I'm relieved.

Some Actual Praise for Smallville

This is my first Smallville related post of the 2006 - 2007 television season. After last season and my numerous posts regarding the show, one may have wondered what happened. Did the show stop sucking? Did Scout finally decide to stop punishing herself with television shows that literally cause her pain? Has Scout finally decided that if she can't say anything nice, she shouldn't say anything at all? The answer to all those questions is, not remotely. (Especially that last one. What would be the point of maintaining this blog if I thought that?) Quite simply, I stopped caring. Lois Lane decided to become a journalist because of a barn door? Fine. Green Arrow had some crazy thugs kidnap Lex Luthor? Sure. Lex wants to marry Lana even though she told him she still loved Clark? I wouldn't expect anything different from this show. Jimmy Olsen is having sex with Chloe and there's whip cream involved? OK, that one's still kind of gross. The point is, I've reached a Zen-like state when it comes to this show's levels of bad. But last week's episode was good, and that shocked me.

Justice was, first and foremost, a lot of fun. I can't remember the last time I felt like Smallville was actually a show about a superhero. I guess it's just too bad that all the superheroes were guest stars who aren't sticking around. I wasn't so sure about Green Arrow when he first started this season, but he's really grown on me. Justin Hartley is charismatic and pretty and talented and I look forward to seeing a lot more of him on my television in the future. Then there was Bart, aka Impulse, who is fantastic. I loved him when he first showed up in season four's Run, and I loved him even more this time. Kyle Gallner, the actor who portrays Bart, has made guest appearances on roughly half the shows I watch this season and he deserves all the work. My biggest fear about this episode was that whenever I saw Bart, who was so adorable the first time around, I would only be able to think about Beaver Casablancas and how he blew up a bus and raped Veronica Mars. Not only did he make me forget all about that other role, with all the flirting he threw Chloe's way, I wasn't worried her at all. Cyborg and Aquaman were back too, though their parts were smaller. It was nice to see that Cyborg was more like his comic book self this time around and less like the Bionic Man. Aquaman's lines were blessedly minimal and mostly served to bring the gay, which is always fun (and given his last appearance on the show, that is his greatest superpower). Not that the show's only gay moments came from the fishy one and his naked swimming. The Sparks were in full display between Clark and Oliver and Clark and Bart as well.

More important than all the homoerotic subtext (and that is always enjoyable), this episode was fun because it was fast paced, and while there were no fight scenes, plenty of stuff happened. There was a lot of running for one thing, and of course, there were arrows. There was also Lex acting like a badass. Being free of the horrid pink parasite (Lana was blessedly absent for the entire episode) had a wonderful effect on his inner bad guy. Michael Rosenbaum plays evil deliciously well. His readings on lines like "And I want a ponytail. Disappointment abounds," are impeccable, and he has the perfect villain's swagger. When Lex is like this, Rosenbaum is totally bringing the sexy back. His speech to Lionel about torturing meteor freaks for truth and democracy was everything I have always wanted from Smallville's version of the character. John Glover too deserves kudos for his small but memorable appearance in this episode. Lionel's impromptu alibi for Clark, about Martha's pot roast and new potatoes, was priceless. I have to say too, because I always adore her, that I loved Chloe in this episode and I thought she was worked in rather nicely without her importance diminishing any of the superheroes. She got to be all cool and sassy too.

The only parts of this episode I didn't enjoy were the Oliver and Lois scenes. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with them, per se. As a matter of fact, I found Lois infinitely more tolerable than I usually do (the storyline with Oliver Queen/Justin Hartley really brought out the best in the character and the actress). It's just that those scenes really dragged in what was otherwise a fast and fun episode. The melodrama didn't seem to fit. I also had a bit of trouble buying into all there talk of love and regret. The Oliver Queen of the comics is an infamous ladies man, complete with illegitimate children (which made the whole no sex thing more than a bit ridiculous for me), but mostly, too much of the relationship was developed off screen for me to care.

My overriding feeling when coming out of this episode though was to wonder why it couldn't be like this all the time. Why must I sit through all the soap opera melodrama when I could be watching daring rescues and things exploding? I completely geeked out watching this proto-Justice League doing their slow-mo hero walk away from the explosion. (OK, and I also got a little distracted by how pretty Tom Welling is.) I want to geek out like that all the time. Heroes is a great show, my current favorite, but it doesn't have any of the comic book characters I love and there's not a costume in sight. Are costumes heroes and villains too much to ask for? If I can't have a Justice television series, I would settle for a a Green Arrow or Impulse series.