Geektress

I haven't mentioned this before, but one of the reasons for the increasing lack of posting is that my time has been occupied by another project. Some friends and I have decided to start a website. It hasn't officially launched yet, but it should be soon. It's called Geektress and the whole point is that it's just a bunch of girls writing about geek stuff, and it's only girls, just because we thought that might be cool. Anyway, the site may not be launched yet, but we decided kick things off with our very own podcast.

We're still getting the hang of all this, so if you listen, be kind. We're beginners. In the first episode, we mostly talk about Wonder Woman #14, with a little bit of discussion about James Marsters in Dragon Ball Z and In Like Flint. Brenda, Rania and myself had a lot of fun, so we hope that others have fun listening to us, and if anyone's got any helpful advice or constructive criticism, we're open to it. (Yes, we have already discover that we say "like" a lot and just generally sound like 1980s Valley Girls.)

Click here to get your own player.

Jason Lee Is Officially on Notice

Jason Lee has gotten a pass on a lot of things for a long time now. I've overlooked things like being a Scientologist, naming his son Pilot Inspector, and making some truly awful movies like Kissing a Fool and A Guy Thing, because the good always outweighed the bad. My Name Is Earl, is hilarious and one of my favorite sitcoms. He's awesome in his Kevin Smith movies. I still quote Brodie, and Azrael rocks. He was also great in Almost Famous. Part of me still wants a Jeff Bebe t-shirt. And we absolutely cannot forget that he was the voice of Syndrome in The Incredibles. I'm just not sure if any of that awesomeness can withstand the coming onslaught of suck he's about to heap upon an unsuspecting public.

and

[via The Beat]

The horror! The horror!

Seriously. Look at what they have done to our beloved cartoons. Those are our childhoods they are defiling. How can he live with himself?

Why Does Stan Lee Want To Make Me Cry?

I just saw this item posted at EW's PopWatch on Friday:

"We just got confirmation from MTV that Marvel Comics god Stan Lee is developing a new show for them that will somehow involve Paris Hilton."

I know I shouldn't be too surprised, given Striperella, and Lee's always been fairly shameless, but this is like chocolate and broccoli mixed together. The man who created my all time favorite character working on something that involves Paris Hilton. It just doesn't compute.

Next, it will be announced that Joss Whedon is working on a musical with James Blunt.

A Desperate Plea to Hollywood

According to Variety, in an article found via Comic Book Resources, Warner Brothers has optioned a script for Thundercats, which is just the latest in a long line of 1980s nostalgia projects that are coming down the pipeline, starting with the increasingly cool looking Transformers movie being released next month. Personally, I'm an 80s kid and I love all these cartoons dearly, so I'm excited. Thundercats and He-Man particularly make me happy, since they have always been on my list of movies I would like to make if I were a filmmaker. (Everyone has one of those lists, right?) If Transformers is as big a movie as I expect it to be, I bet all these other cartoon themed projects will be rushed into production, and then we'll get a ton of 1980s cartoons and toy lines being optioned left and right, even the ones that absolutely suck. Then we'll get a bunch of movies that aren't actually tied to any 1980s nostalgia item, but are desperately trying to capitalize on the theme. Basically, I'm envisioning the comic book movie craze that happened after X-Men and Spider-Man, only with more robots. In the end, what started out really cool will become really lame and will make even hardcore geeks like me groan at the potential suckage and desecration of the heroes of our youth that Hollywood will trot out every summer. But before that happens, I have one request. Can we please, please, please have a She-Ra movie?

It's been really disappointing to me that She-Ra's been largely neglected in the whole nostalgia craze. A few years back when Thundercats and He-Man got comic book miniseries, I kept waiting for She-Ra, but it never happened. It didn't even seem like anyone even thought about it. This just completely amazes me, because I've been watching my She-Ra DVDs lately and it holds up the best out of all of them. I suppose it's the whole issue with female action hero thing that The Hollywood Reporter had an article on a couple of weeks ago, but I think if there was ever a property that had the potential changing that and being a real success, it would be She-Ra, possibly even more than Wonder Woman.

The whole storyline of the She-Ra series deals with so many of the issues that we already know resonate with people from the successes of other franchises. She-Ra is the champion of the rebel forces on the planet of Etheria who are trying to overthrow the evil Horde Empire. The similarities to Star Wars are self explanatory, and, of course, Lord of the Rings. It's a classic story, and one tat I think has a lot more potential than Thundercats, which, when watched as an adult, did not hold up nearly as well. Thundercats is basically the story of a handful of people (or cats, however you want to look at them) trying to defend themselves from Mumm-Ra, a villain with little motivation. The stakes aren't even very high there, with less than a dozen people on the entire planet. (Yes, I do know that more showed up later, but it hardly matched the oppression of an entire civilization.) She-Ra, as a character, is also a lot more interesting than He-Man. His alter ego, Prince Adam is over privileged and He-Man is a tool of the established government. Skeletor, the villain, is more of an under dog than he is, and he was cooler too. She-Ra, on the other hand, has the alter ego of Princess Adora, a competent heroine in her own right, and her backstory of having been raised by Hordak, the Horde ruler on Etheria, only to discover she had been deluded into believing she served a just ruler has a great deal of dramatic potential.

Basically, with She-Ra, a studio gets both a classic story in the vein of Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and even Harry Potter and a nostalgia property like Transformers, He-Man, and Thundercats. They should be all over that. Also, she's got a flying horse, a cool sword, really pretty hair, and her friends were all sorceresses and mermaids and ladies with wings. There is no bad in this concept. The fact that she's an excellent role model is just a bonus. Seriously, She-Ra is one of the greatest things ever. Hollywood needs to get on this.

Maybe if He-Man is a big success, they will want to do a spin off. That would make sense. I would even be OK with it if they wanted to make some minor changes. Some of the characters had hokey names, like Castaspella. I get why that might be a problem. And if producers think Bow should be a bit cooler and not so much of a damsel in distress (what's the male version of damsel?), it could work. I know I wouldn't mind seeing a Teela who does more than get captured in the He-Man movie. They just can't have Bow and She-Ra hook up. If they need a romantic interest, they can use Sea Hawk. He's a pirate, which just adds to the awesome factor and would give the movie an element of another proven Hollywood commodity. (The money making potential just keeps getting better and better.) However, if producers want to take She-Ra and make it into something that wouldn't be suitable for little kids, make her any less of the amazing role model that she was meant to be, or cast someone like Jessica Simpson, I'd rather they just not bother. I have no desire to see my childhood memories desecrated.

The Whole Mary Jane Mess

I don't really comment on this sort of thing, but I notice that the brouhaha over Showcase's recently released Mary Jane statue has even gotten a mention by Gary Susman over at EW.com's PopWatch earlier this week, and, from what I've read, Fox.com also. It got me thinking about a lot of things that I have had on my mind for a while. I honestly think this whole thing has gotten a bit out of hand. Yes, I do think it's sexist, but there are worse things out there. Maybe I'm just desensitized to these things from being a lifelong comics fan though. I don't know. It's not something I really feel the need to get into. Plenty of people already have, but I would like to point specifically to this post at The Beat. Of everything I've read, which is far less than is actually out there on the issue, Heidi MacDonald has detailed the issue, and the problem, the best. I just wanted to say that considering how much attention this has gotten in the non-comics community, it would be nice if Marvel and DC really put a bit more thought into how they present themselves.

Both companies claim that they want to appeal more to female readers, and to this end there has been at least some effort made by both companies. DC especially has made strides with the Minx line, appealing to female readers to start reading Supergirl and actually making changes to the title based on complaints by female readers (the costume could use some more work though, I'm just sayin'), and trying to put more female superheroes at the forefront in general. Marvel, not as adept at this apparently, publishes Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane (and that alone should have clued them in to the problem with the Mary Jane statue), is pushing Ms. Marvel, and had that Laurel K. Hamilton vampire series. Oh, and they did a tie-in with a soap opera. I'm not certain how effective any of this has been for them. I just think that they have to realize that as long as the image they present is one of nothing but cheesecake imagery for horny teenage boys, girls are going to look at the big two companies and assume that they don't produce anything that is for them. I'm not talking about girls being offended or thinking that the comics industry is sexist. I'm just saying that girls look at the image that is projected through the covers on the comics, the merchandise they produce, and the major magazines that promote the industry and assume that nothing either Marvel or DC produces is anything that they would be interested in.

I am not saying that all cheesecake has to be done away with. I am also not saying that I want all comics to have unattractive women in them. Believe me, I don't want to see that any more than any man does. I'm just saying to be a little more careful where the cheesecake is used and on what characters. By all means, keep the naked Shanna the She Devil, but maybe keep the overt sexualization out of the mainstream comics. Does Justice League #10 really need that horrible Michael Turner cover to sell? Is it really appropriate to release that statue of Mary Jane when she is a character that not only does Marvel use to target young female readers, but is also the leading lady of such a hugely successful summer blockbuster as Spider-Man III thereby guaranteeing that it is going to get a lot of attention. (And how did it not occur to them that a significant amount of that attention was going to be negative?)

If DC and Marvel really want to widen their readership, I think that part of that has to be changing their public image. It's like the cigarette industry. Back in the days before filters were on all cigarettes, Marlboros were considered a milder cigarette and marketed towards women. Once the industry changed, Marlboro wasn't the milder option anymore. They had to change their image in order to appeal to a new demographic. That's when they came up with the Marlboro Man. Well, the comic book industry is changing. Girls are reading comic books. They're just not reading Marvel and DC. I know that there are comics out there that a lot of women might like. These companies produce Manhunter, Birds of Prey, Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane and Alias. Marvel and DC are capable of producing the product when they actually try. They just really need to work on their image if they want to actually get the girls to buy the product. As long as Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Ms. Marvel, etc. are nestled on the racks between a bunch of images that are obviously going to turn girls away, there's no reason that any girl should venture over from the Manga section to check it out with any reasonable expectation that the content is going to be any different than everything else they see over there. I'm not even talking about anything nearly as drastic as what Marlboro did, because it's not about trying to change your entire demographic. It's simply about nt conciously alienating an entire group of potnetial readers. And wouldn't everyone benefit from that kind of image change? Marvel and DC might sell more comics, and male comics fans might not be so stereotyped.

Also, I would be lying if I didn't admit that, as a personal favorite of mine, I'd prefer not to see Mary Jane Watson treated like that. She may be a supermodel (and that's a rant for a different post), but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be treated like a person. And if you keep looking at her like that, Spidey's totally going to kick your ass, and you really do not want that. He's Back in Black now and he's throwing people out windows. ETA: What am I thinking? Screw Spidey. Mary Jane'll kick your ass. You ever see what she did to the Chameleon?

Anyway, everyone knows that Mary Jane doesn't hand wash Spider-Man's laundry. If anyone's doing Spidey's laundry for him, it would be Aunt May. Now do you really want little old Aunt May to hurt her back by bending over that much? I didn't think so, so let's get a higher table for that bucket. OK?

[Edited because a very good point was made that I didn't even think about. I apologize for that.]

But He's Bill Pardy! You Can't Cancel Him!

Apparently Drive has been canceled, which is kind of a bummer. I was enjoying it. The thing I don't get though is why Nathan Fillion and Tim Minear can't catch a break. This is at least the fourth show that Minear has executive produced to get the axe by FOX, and the second for Fillion. By all rights, both of them should still be hard at work on Firefly's fifth season, but barring that, they just deserve better. I especially don't get the lack of success for Nathan Fillion. I would have thought that, despite the relative box office disappointment of Serenity, he would have at least gotten noticed by studio executives and gotten some decent sized roles in some mainstream movies. Honestly, I expected to see him pop up in a romantic comedy or two, or maybe in some small but stand out roles in some big budget action movies, inevitably becoming the next generation's answer to Harrison Ford. Instead, it seems like he's becoming the next generation's answer to Bruce Campbell, which is fine. You know I love Bruce Campbell. I love him way more than I love Harrison Ford. I just thought that Nathan Fillion had a lot more mainstream appeal than that.

Is the problem that Nathan Fillion has actually worked on quality projects, because I am seeing that pattern? I was pretty shocked by the lack of success for Slither as well, which I considered to be one of the best horror movies that I have seen in a long time, in light of how well horror movies have been doing in the past several years. I enjoy movies like Hostel and its like well enough, but I would much rather sit through movies like Slither, Grindhouse, and even, to a lesser extent, Snakes on a Plane, all of which were disappointments at the box office, and all of which were a hell of a lot more fun to watch than the horror movies that make huge amounts of money. At least the Dawn of the Dead remake, which had an over all grimness but still with a sense of whimsy, did well.

Don't even get me started on what passes for science fiction these days. There is little substance to any of it. Some people like to applaud geek subculture moving into the mainstream, but with few exceptions, the stuff that has any mainstream success lacks the originality and intelligence that we geeks have been enjoying for years. I think the fact that X-Men 3 was lauded by critics as a comic book movie that's actually about something for touching on, however ineptly, various social issues, says it all. X-Men comic books have been dealing with social issues since Stan Lee first came up with the idea of mutants. All X-Men 3 did was make weak analogies that ultimately never went anywhere.

The geek subculture hasn't been legitimized. It's been homogenized.

Wow! I have no idea how this turned into a rant. I started out this post simply wanting to say that I was going to miss seeing Nathan Fillion, an actor I can't get enough of, on my television every week. I suppose it's the Firefly/Serenity connection. Anytime I start thinking about Nathan Fillion, it naturally leads in that direction, and then it turns into a rant. Oh well. At least we have Heroes now. At least that show respects its roots and hasn't tried glam up for the masses. It is a show about a bunch of superheroes who do not wear costumes though, which I do think is a concession to mainstream audiences, but that's of far less concern than the fact that there's real substance there. Compare that to Smallville, which simultaneously capitalizes on it's comic book roots and is completely embarrassed by them at the same time, ultimately creating something with no more substance than your sub par teen drama with a bunch of names that will keep fanboys happy.

Anyway, here's hoping that Nathan Fillion catches on soon, so that, while I may not get the quality science fiction, horror and superhero genre adaptations that I hope for, I'll at least a funny, charismatic, talented and really attractive actor to watch in all the crappy movies and television shows I end up watching because no one cares enough to watch anything better.

Can We Please Rethink All These Remakes?

According to this Dark Horizons article (which I found via Kryptonsite), there is a new, and rather horrifying, addition to the ever growing ranks of 80s films. Apparently the youth of the 21st Century simply could not survive without a version of Teen Wolf to call their very own.

That's right. They're remaking Teen Wolf.

I'm not even that pissed about this. I just don't get it, and I don't get it on a lot of levels. As much as I loved the movie as a child - a love supported entirely by the universal appeal Michael J. Fox had to all little girls and the typical lack of taste associated with my age at the time and the decade - it's not a very good movie. It's actually a pretty bad movie. It's certainly a bad werewolf movie. He doesn't even kill anyone.

Now, I have long said that the best remakes are the ones that take movies with good ideas and bad executions, and do them better. The 2001 version of Ocean's 11 is a prime example of a great remake. The original film, could have been good, but aside from having the coolest cast ever (I'm talking the entire Rat Pack and then some), it has nothing much to offer. I don't even think I've ever been able to sit through the whole thing. The remake, on the other hand, has an equally high profile, if far less cool, cast, plus a fun and exciting script and a director at the top of his form. (I always find it ironic that the 2001 Ocean's 11 is what I always use as an example of a remake that should be made, while Ocean's 12 is always one of my examples of sequels that should never have been made.) Well, I would agree that Teen Wolf had a poor execution, but I'm not even sure it was a good idea. Even if it was a good idea, it's certainly not an original idea.

In case you don't remember, I'll give you a rundown of what Teen Wolf was about:

• Awkward and unpopular teen develops an ability that suddenly makes him popular
• Teen lets sudden popularity go to his head
• Teen becomes a total jerk and neglects his true friends for his current gang of hanger ons
• Teen learns valuable lessen, fights bully, reconnects with dorky unpopular friends and ditches his hot and popular girlfriend for the the cute and loyal best friend who has always had a crush on him.

I saw the 2000s' version of this movie. It's called Sky High, and it's actually really good. You should rent it. Not being a teenager anymore, I don't watch as many teen movies as I used to, but I'm willing to bet Sky High is the only movie from this generation with that exact same plot either. So why exactly do we need a remake of Teen Wolf? What exactly could be the appeal of such a movie in light of the fact that there are so many others like it?

Oh right, the Teen Wolf remake is going to be about a girl. That makes all the difference. I hope it stars Amanda Bynes, because I just don't think anyone else could pull of such a unique role. Except for maybe Hilary Duff, or Ashlee Simpson. It's deffinitely time for her to make her big screen debut. She might have trouble grasping the concept of ADR though, since it's pretty much the opposite of lipsynching.

It just seems to me that if they really wanted to do yet another variation on this theme, they could have done it without remaking yet another mediocre 80s film. Is everyone in Hollywood so creatively bankrupt that they couldn't come up with a different ability for this girl to develop? Couldn't she become psychic or turn into a gazelle or anything other than becoming a werewolf (or a witch, because that's been done too). I have to admit though, considering how much hair removal is associated with a girl's coming of age, the idea of a teenage girl that becomes popular because of some rather extreme hair growth amuses me to no end. Time to throw out those pink razors, girls.

On a sidenote, poor Tom Welling. Is he doomed to a film career that consists entirely of crappy remakes? That's too bad. Surely anyone who can manage to make Smallville's version of Clark Kent even remotely likeable (and Tom Welling's really had his work cut out for him the past couple of weeks) deserves better than this? He's not even the star of this one. Oh God, and I certainly hope they aren't going to try and pass him off as a teen. The nineteen or twenty he's supposed to be on Smallville is ridiculous enough. Seeing him in a high school would be enough to produce giggle fits.

Edited to add that it appears that the Tom Welling connection is just one of those vicious internet rumors. I'm relieved.

The Name's Plissken!

So, it's announced a while ago that a remake of Escape from New York is going to be made with 300's Gerard Butler as Snake Pliskin. Well, now I've found this Q&A with Kurt Russell on EW.com. Basically, Kurt's not happy about it, which I would normally dismiss as an overly developed sense of entitlement, and that's exactly what a lot of his comments are. After all, everyone's movies are getting remade. Why should his roles be sacred? And is he actually getting pissy over the fact that The Thing is being remade? The version of The Thing he was in was a remake. So yeah, get over yourself Kurt Russell. But also, you're absolutely right Kurt Russell.

That doesn't make much sense. Does it? Let me explain.

I don't really think that actors have much of a right to complain about their movies being remade. I certainly don't think that a guy who stared in the remake of The Poseiden Adventure has a right to complain about it. I think it sucks that so many remakes are being made, but if Hollywood will let Gus Van Sant do a crappy remake of Psycho, then I hardly think the works of John Carpenter should be off limits. However, certain roles simply cannot be recreated. Do you really think that any other actor could fill the shoes of Harrison Ford as Han Solo or Indiana Jones? And I know I would have absolutely no interest in the Evil Dead remake if we had not already been assured that there will be no character named Ash. Now, Kurt Russell is no Bruce Campbell, but he's absolutely right in that he is Snake Plisken. I love Gerard Butler - he's sexy and cool and talented and totally reminds me of Sean Connery - but, as hot as he might look in an eye patch, I am not going to see that movie. I'll wait until someone casts him in a remake of Outland or Darby O'Gill and the Little People.

Although, if the movie turns out to be really awesome, like the Dawn of the Dead remake that I refused to see and then saw and it was awesome, I will completely reverse my opinion on this.

So, what characters do you think couldn't possibly be recreated by different actors?

I'm a Little Heartbroken

There were a few things I planned to post blog entries about in the next few days, but I read something today that had to be commented on immediately. It was reported in Variety today that NBC will be cancelling Passions and adding another hour of The Today Show to their daytime line up in the fall, like the world needed more of Meredith Viera. I don't watch Passions anymore, but I feel this loss deeply. When Fox announced that The O.C. was being cancelled, I was sad. I have a lot of fond memories of the show, but I did voluntarily stop watching that show. With Passions, I can honestly say that I would still be watching today if it wasn't for the horrible truth that I am now an adult and had to get a job. On the rare occasions when I am home on a weekday, I still tune in.

I began watching Passions after its several mentions on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Fans of Buffy may remember that it was Spike's favorite show. I naturally wondered what was so inherently funny about this show, and who this Timmy character was who was stuck in the well. I instantly fell in love. Created by James E. Reilly, the man who first brought demonic possession to daytime on Days of Our Lives (Marlena was possessed by a Succubus and it was awesome), Passions was the most cracktastic thing I had ever seen on television. All the traditional soap opera plotlines were carried out to the most extreme degree, and then topped off with witchcraft, incest, portals to hell, relationships that could destroy all the evil in the world if consummated, reincarnation, the dubious acting talents of Liza Huber, pacts with the devil, daytime television's first lesbian sex scene, a controversial Orangutan nurse with an active fantasy life named Precious, Bollywood musical numbers, and, really, so much more. Passions was a soap opera on acid, and it was fully aware of it's own ridiculousness. After the show ends in August, day time television may be a little more sane, but it will never be as fun again.

I end my tribute to Passions, with a tribute to what was by far the show's greatest contribution. While still great, Passions was never the same after the passing of Josh Ryan Evans, and the departure of the delightful living doll Timmy from all of our lives.

I raise a Mar-Timmy to you, Passions, in celebration of your insane and campy brilliance. Like the wonderful Timmy, you will be missed, and my sick days will be far less enjoyable.

Catching Up

I'm a bit annoyed with myself that I went a whole month without posting a new entry, but I honestly didn't have anything to say in December. It was a slow month and my mind was on things besides pop culture. (I didn't know it was possible either.) I thought about doing a review of Spider-Man: Reign #1, but my thoughts on it pretty much began and ended with "It's okay, but I already read Dark Knight Returns" and "GAH! Old people sex!" Since then I've expanded those thoughts to include speculation that it would be revealed that Mary Jane was raped and murdered. It's what Frank Miller would do. I bet the Black Cat has become a prostitute too, because Frank Miller loves whores. For good measure, an elderly Peter Parker punches out J. Jonah Jameson, who, one would assume, is roughly 200-years old for undisclosed reasons. This, I assume, is because Frank Miller would want Spider-Man to be an asshole. Sadly, it's not All Star Spider-Man, so we won't be subjected to the comedic gold of lines like "I'm the goddam Spider-Man!"

Then I thought about doing an entry on Spider-Man 3, and some of the new information that's surfaced, including the article in a recent Premier magazine (an article in which a fourth movie was all but confirmed and Raimi said he couldn't imagine doing Spider-Man without Tobey Maguire, which is just funny considering how quick the guy was to put in a call to Jake Gyllenhaal last time that looked like a possibility), but I already posted about the first trailer (convenient link). At this point, I'm mostly just anxious to see the movie. May cannot get here soon enough. I'm ridiculously excited about it, but I'm also afraid it's going to suck. Sam Raimi pretty much rules my world (and would even if the only movie he ever made was Evil Dead II), but can he possibly do justice to so many characters?

There was also this announcement, which I didn't say anything about for your own good. Nobody likes an overly emotional blogger, and Spidey, MJ and dear old Aunt May's future in regular continuity comics tends to make me a bit on edge lately. I wonder why. I will say one thing about it though. It seems odd complaining about the artist on this project, since it's Joe Quesada, but part of me would really rather see John Romita, Jr. doing it. He's pretty much the definitive Spider-Man artist of my lifetime, and if "One Day More" is going to be the capper on the era of Spider-Man comic books I grew up with, I would have liked him to be a part of it. Also, just in case I get so upset I have to stop reading Spider-Man comics, I'd like to see him draw the web head one more time before I say good-bye.

There were only two non-Spider-Man related, and therefore potentially safe and emotion free, items that tempted me to blog during December. The first was the Donner Cut of Superman II, which I have mixed feelings about and I will probably do a review of soon. The other was the announcement of which writers would be joining Joss Whedon on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer season 8 comic book, but how interesting would "Oh my GOD! Brian K Vaughn, Drew Goddard, Jane Espenson, and Doug Petrie! This is going to be so awesome!" be? Brain K. Vaughn is also joining the writing staff of Lost, thereby ensuring that I will be sticking around at least long enough to see an episode penned by him. Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in. That J.J. Abrams is mighty sneaky.

It's also worth noting that I read Occasional Superheroine's "Goodbye To Comics" in December, but that didn't so much inspire me to blog as much as it made me feel a little ill, very depressed, and kind of want to burn my copy of Identity Crisis.

Well, that was my December 2006. Hopefully 2007 will be awesome and there will be plenty of stuff to blog about, with this blog having a lot less bitterness and bitching and a lot more fun. I's unlikely though. I can always find something to bitch about. I do anticipate to be blogging more in the coming year. I already have several ideas, so hopefully I'll stop being so lazy. Happy 2007.

Wanna See Something Really Scary?

Do you know what character I think would make for a really scary Halloween costume?

Jessica Fletcher.

I'm serious. That old broad brought death and destruction everywhere she went. At first, her evil was contained to the sleepy New England town of Cabot Cove, but eventually she ran out of people to kill there. (Eventually word had to get around of what was going on, and once that happened, not even the best tourism board in the world could keep up the influx of has-been, B-list, elderly celebrities who regularly made trips to the town.) The Angel of death spread out, bringing death to the streets of New York, and even plaguing Magnum PI on at least one occasion. The worst part is, no one ever caught on to her game. Jessica Fletcher continued her killing spree beyond the confines of her show and into several television movies.

Where the Hell is Jesus on This Thing Anyway?

A few authors got together and wrote this book of the 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived. It's a list of the most influential fictional characters ever.

I haven't read the book, so I can't judge the authors' reasoning, but the list seems a bit wonky to me. For one, no matter what my personal opinions of the characters, I do think Superman (#64) has been more influential than Buffy the Vampire Slayer (#44) and Batman (#60). Is Buffy even old enough to really judge it's level of influence? Also, so many of these characters feed off the other characters on the list, or off of characters that don't even make the list. Isn't it a bit redundant to have both King Arthur and Luke Skywalker on there. Since Luke is more clearly derivative of traditional allegorical figures, wouldn't Han Solo be the more influential character since you can't throw a stone in the sci fi world without hitting one of his clones.

As for characters that were influenced by characters that didn't make the list, Batman borrowed a lot from The Shadow, so where's he? If you're going to include superheroes, where's Spider-Man, a character that, while definitely drawing upon and reacting to what came before him, turned that stuff on it's head? And I daresay Buffy would not exist if Peter Parker hadn't existed first.

Furthermore, I can not think of a single reason why the Marlboro Man came in at #1, especially when they have Joe Camel selling the smoking image at #78 and the American Cowboy selling the Western hard-man image at #19. Isn't the Marlboro Man just a derivation of the American Cowboy used to sell cigarettes. I won't even go into the irony that the Marlboro Man was developed as a way to start marketing a brand to men after the release of milder cigarettes with filters became preferred among the women the brand originally targeted. Essentially, the Marlboro Man is the result of a corporate sex change.

I can't really comment on the more literary and mythological figures. I will just trust that they deserve their ranking.

Farewell, Old Friend

I fully intended to post an update about the awesome Buffy Sing-A-Long I wet to last night, but I think there is something I bit more pressing and monumentous that I should address first. Today marks the final day of programming for the WB before it becomes the CW. To honor the event, The WB aired "A Night of Favorites and Farewells," including the series premieres of Felicity, Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Dawson's Creek. Naturally, I felt obligated to tune in for the networks final five hours.

I thought the shows that they chose to show were very interesting. All were shows that have been of the air for a few years, and while Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dawson's Creek were both flagships that helped define the network, none were the huge rating successes along the lines of 7th Heaven and Smallville. Felicity and Angel never even seemed to be all that appreciated by the network when they originally aired. That said, I do think that these shows, along with the aforementioned 7th Heaven, will be what the WB is remembered for. And I think the reason for choosing these shows was to showcase the talented young creators (J.J. Abrahms, Joss Whedon and Kevin Williamson specifically) that were given their start by the network.

Over the years, I have bitched about the network's handling of shows, meddling, fostering of the likes Joey Potter and Lana Lang as positive female characters, the overemphasis they place on the hair length of their stars, and the continued existence of 7th Heaven, but there really was a lot of good there. After all, The WB gave Buffy the Vampire Slayer a chance when no other network would (for that alone I can forgive almost all sins). They also gave us Gilmore Girls and four wonderful seasons of Everwood, one of the most intelligent and interesting family dramas ever. Many of the actors and actresses have gone on to bigger and better things as well. Who would have ever expected Jaime Fox to go on to win an Oscar?

I also loved that their final five hours of programming included showing some of the old WB ads, which were always entertaining, if completely bizarre. I especially liked the "Watch the Frog" campaign, which is hard to explain. Essentially, two of the network's stars would be engaged in a supposedly candid conversation (two that were aired tonight featured Michael Rosenbaum talking to Tom Welling about padded bras and Kristin Kreuk and some actress I did not recognize talking about how going to couple's counseling is easier than going through all the work of a break up) and then happening upon Michigan J. Frog, the network's former mascot, and one of them saying "Watch the frog," presumably before the other actor or actress stepped on him. Like I said, the ad campaigns were bizarre. They also re-aired a series of ads that featured James Vander Beek and Scott Foley on a road trip. There were also montages of the bumps featuring all the actors and actresses throughout the years. Say what you will about the talent level of most of the shows, but you can't deny that they were among the most attractive people to ever grace television screens (well, aside from Vander Beek).

Think of me what you will, but most of the shows I watched since the start of the WB have been WB shows. They were very much the pop culture touchstones of my generation since the beginning. I don't know if the CW can really live up to that legacy. Their line up barely features much new programming, let alone anything innovative, and it seems much more focused on reaching out to advertisers than gaining a following with young viewers by providing an alternative programming to the other networks. Veronica Mars is the only risky show they have in their line up and it's going into it's third season. It's a bit depressing really, since burgeoning networks have in the past built themselves up on shows like The X-Files and Buffy the Vampire Slayer before they went all corporate. However, like the WB before it, the CW will be showing the majority of the shows I will be watching.

Tomorrow: the Buffy Sing-A-Long, a.k.a. the geekiest thing I have ever been a part of.

Embarrassing Admission of the Day

I am actually looking forward to watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels tonight. I'm the first to admit that the world doesn't need any more reality shows, especially not of the kind where some celebrity puts himself and his loved ones on display for cash, an image change, or some desperately needed exposure. I'm sure this show is an attempt by Simmons to return to the spotlight and appeal to a new audience, much like The Osbournes did for Ozzy. (Eventually, KISS is going to have to make good on those retirement claims.) That's actually the main reason for my emabarrasment. Nothing Simmons ever does seems to have a motivation other than profit and self-aggrandizement. A reporter recently asked him if he was worried that the show would hurt his image, and therefore his future earnings. Simmons responded by saying that it might, but he already had enough money. I have to wonder how much money he's still making off that image now anyway. The KISS Army is there, and I don't think anything he does is going to lessen there willingness to buy anything he slaps a picture of his giant tongue on, but I don't think that image is really pulling in the kind of profit it used to.

The clips I have seen look pretty amusing though, and you know that Simmons' ego, which is bigger than his platform boots, isn't going to be able to remain intact with teenager children. Seeing him get taken down a few pegs just by being in a domestic setting. (I saw Being Mick. Even Jagger doesn't get to play rock god with his family.) However, I mostly think this show is going to be interesting because the Simmons Family, while unconventional, seems pretty functional. That alone sets it apart from other shows of its kind. I remember some conservatives complaining about The Osbournes, but they should be far more concerned about a show like this. Here we have a rock star and a former playmate who have never wed and aren't even monogymous raising two well adjusted, intelligent and apparently very un-Osbourne-like children. That's pretty subversive stuff when you think about it.

On a somewhat related topic, the newest Entertainment Weekly had a small feature on Gene Simmons' past television roles. While that was amusing, and I welcome any mention of KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park and the bizarre casting choice for Ace Frehley's body double (too bad they didn't work in a mention the fact that that wasn't even Peter Criss' voice), it's a shame it was limited to television. I can't be the only person who wants to talk about Wanted: Dead or Alive, where Rutger Hauer memorably shoved a live grenade in Gene Simmons' mouth. That was good stuff right there. Man I miss the 80s.

By the way, if you didn't figure it out, this whole post was just a flimsy excuse to mention an almost twenty-year-old Rutger Hauer movie. Why would I do such a thing? Because I am at work and have nothing to do and no supervision, thereby eliminating the need to pretend like I am doing work. Also, it's always a good time to mention Rutger Hauer. I would do a whole blog entry on him, but quite frankly I can't remember much about his films besides little details like shoving a grenade in Gene Simmons' mouth. Good times.

Sometimes I Actually Love the Sci Fi Channel

Normally, I think the Sci Fi Channel is just awful. They have some good original shows, but then they go and ruin it all by adding the ECW to their line-up. How is wrestling science fiction? I have no idea. Then there are times when I think the Sci Fi Channel is the greatest thing ever, like this morning, when I was randomly flipping through the channels, tryint to find something to watch on this lazy Sunday morning. That's when I came across Alien Apocalypse.

Jackpot!

There is no better way to spend a lazy Sunday than by watching a Bruce Campbell movie. Campbell plays a doctor who returns from a 40-year NASA mission with a group of other astronauts to find that the Earth has been conquered by cheesy looking, bug-like aliens. I don't think I'm giving anything away by saying that Bruce, naturally, becomes the leader of the oppressed humans and frees them from the aliens. It's what he does. And of course, he does it all with the typical Bruce Campbell humor.

I love cheesy alien movies. I also love how crappy the production values are, as well as the fact that almost all the the supporting actors seem to be dubbed. (The movie was apparently filmed in Bulgaria, so I'm guessing the dubbing was about covering up all the Bulgarian accents, or even the Bulgarian language.) I think the theory behing movies like this is, "We have Bruce Campbell. We don't actually need it to be good." They're right. Bruce Campbell makes everything better.

Renee O'Connor is also in the movie. I don't know if I was ready to see Gabrielle and Autolycus hook up, but it was cool to see her.

Finally, since I am talking about the awesomeness of Bruce Campbell, I want to let everyone know that the complete series of both The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. and Jack of All Trades come out on DVD on July 18. While Jack of all Trades was exactly what you woppould expect from the people behind Hercules and Xena, entertaining but by no means great, The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. was a very underrated show cancelled before its time. Personally, I'm planning to rent Jack and buy Brisco. I suggest that everyone at least check them both out, purely for the Bruce Campbell factor. For some older Bruce Campbell recs, everyone must see Bubba Ho-Tep and read If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor.

666

Well, today is a very special day, and I thought long and hard about how to celebrate this date -- 06/06/06. After contemplating several different ways to commemorate the day, I finally settled on my...

TOP 5 SIGNS OF THE POP CULTURE APOCALYPSE

5. Smallville fucks up Zod - Everyone said that Zod was Smallville proof. Not even Millar & Gough could fuck that up. Well everyone was wrong. First they copped out and, in a move that screamed "We've run out of money to pay guest stars with," employed a stupid plot angle where Lex gets possessed by Zod. Then they had General Zod, a being with nothing but contempt for all humanity, make out with Lana fucking Lang on a roof top. Congratulations Millar & Gough!

4. FOX cancels Arrested Development - I know it has been months since this happened. I know the show had a chance to continue on Showtime and the creator and executive producer turned it down. I know I am still bitterly upset about it.

3. James Blunt - I don't give a crap about his other songs. Never heard 'em, but for "You're Beautiful," he needs to go down. When I am Supreme Empress of the Universe, James Blunt is the first to go in front of the firing squad. Watch the video and feel my pain.

2. This - OK, maybe it's not a sure sign of the Pop Culture Apocalypse, but it's been giving me nightmares for days.

1. The CW gives a last minute reprieve to Seventh Heaven - This was an act of nothing but pure evil, and after watching last night's series (*sniff sniff*) finale of Everwood, I am more convinced of this fact than ever. The end is nigh people. The end is nigh.