Scout Attacks! week 5: Take That, Joe Quesada!

This is yet another week without that guy. You know which one, that guy I don't want to name, because then it wouldn't be a week without him. As a matter of fact, I didn't buy a single Marvel comic this week (hence this week's title). Unfortunately, I completely forgot to buy Superman Confidential. I inadvertently deprived myself of Tim Sale art. What was I thinking?

52 Week 47: Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake and Diana not yet Prince all find themselves in Nanda Parbat this week. Apparently Bruce got his demons cut out of him and it didn't work out too well...or something. I'm not sure I really get it. Then there's a lot of stuff with Manheim trying to kill Batwoman again. I am so not interested in that. I don't think Batwoman has a personality beyond lip stick lesbian. And Nightwing's crush, or whatever, on her is just silly. It's just like, "Oooo...red head in a Bat costume. Me like." At the end of the issue, Wonder Woman learns that making mistakes is normal and human and that it has given her wisdom. On the last page, Bruce Wayne smiles. It's weird and I don't like it. The smiling, that is. The issue itself is OK, but not anything really special.

Action Comics #847: This is a fill in issue, but it's a pretty darn good one. It's a nice little story that illustrates just how heroic Superman actually is. Dwayne McDuffie does a great job of bringing emotion and meaning to what is essentially a meaningless little one-off story. The art helped a lot. Renato Guedes does some really beautiful things in this issue. The star drive on Superman's spaceship is gorgeous, and I absolutely love the way he draws Superman. I was going to comment on the colorist too, which I never do, but then I notice that that was Guedes too. Basically, if all this issue was was really pretty, I think it would have been worth picking up. I always welcome the pretty pictures. There's a decent story here too though, and McDuffie writes these characters really well.

Batman #664: This issue picks up right after Batman defeated all those ninja man bats and all that stuff with his son. It would have been a lot better if I remembered that stuff. There's a whole lot of stuff with murdered prostitutes and possible police corruption involved in that. Plus there's a really huge dressed up like Batman who beats the crap the real Batman and a lot of call backs to the cop from Morrison and Kubert's first issue who shot the Joker in the head while dressed as Batman. It's all kind of crazy, and no necessarily in the good, ninja man bat sort of way. It's interesting though and I'm looking forward to seeing where all this goes. There's some fun stuff too. I enjoyed Bruce Wayne's entire date with Jezebel, especially when he threw his ski pole at the paparazzi helicopter. The whole dead parents exchange at dinner was pretty random though, and Bruce saying "I got over it" may be the most unintentionally funny line of the week. Sure you did, Bruce. Equally random was Batman talking to the hookers when he was back in Gotham, but random in a good way. Apparently, he knows them all by name, and I would like to point out that that technically wasn't a "no" he gave the one who offered him a freebie, so much as a "not now."

The Brave and the Bold #1 and 2: I always want to call this title The Bold and the Beautiful. Anyway, I didn't buy this title at first, but I finally gave in to peer pressure and all the positive buzz. I'm glad I did. It's just good, old fashioned superheroing, and a lot of fun. That's something we haven't been getting too much of recently, and I'm always happy to see it. Some of the stuff in issue #2 between Green Lantern and Supergirl was a bit icky, but at least Kara came off less slutty and more like a normal teenager who has an inappropriate crush on an older guy. We've all been there. And points to the amazing George Perez for being able to make Kara look more adorable than slutty, despite the fact that she's still wearing that awful costume. I also like how the one team up flows into the next. I can't wait to see Batman and Blue Beetle. I don't know anything about Blue Beetle, but from the little bit we got of them together in #2, it looks like it should be interesting. I assume that in the next issue, we will also see who is going to be teaming up with Supergirl in issue #4. Someone's going to have to come and help her out, after all. I'm also really intrigued with this book that they're after. It seems like it might have something to do with the Crime Bible from 52. Good stuff.

Fables #59: Honestly, this issue just kind of bored me. I didn't really care about any of these questions, and as far as vignettes go, the little character stories featured at the end of the issues during the arc before the one with Bigby, Snow and the cubs (sorry I can't remember the name, and I'm too lazy to look it up) were much better. I would have preferred to see an entire issue of stories like that. I think the next arc is going to be about Fly Catcher. I'm looking forward to that.

Wonder Woman #6: Uhg. I grow more and more convinced that the editors at DC and Marvel do absolutely nothing. Over at Marvel, we have all the inconsistencies at the end of "Civil War," in addition the total inaccuracies over in Amazing Spider-Man (Aunt May's maiden name being Fitzgerald (poor Ben Reilly is totally forgotten by them, isn't he?) and Peter giving up the black costume because "it sent the wrong message" instead of because his wife begged him to), and here we get a Diana that bares absolutely no resemblance to the one we saw during Heinberg's run. Is this because Picoult is a best selling novelist and they don't want to criticize her work? I can't help but think it's just going to backfire horribly.

Anyway, I'm a fan of the return of Diana Prince. All that goddess stuff is what has always kept me away from Wonder Woman, but instead of focusing on the actual issues of identity, and the challenges of creating a persona separate from Wonder Woman while remaining true to herself, Picoult chose to focus on lame fish out of water gags that weren't funny and managed to make Diana look like an idiot. She even inadvertently managed to make Batman look stupid here, since in issue #2 we learned that he set up Diana's new identity and got her the job at Metahuman Affairs, yet here we learn that she has a blank resume and no credit cards. How do you set up a new identity without providing a background and credit history? Batman would think of those things. Hell, Diana would think of those things. The crying was really bad too. Would Batman or Superman cry because people don't like them or they're having a bad day? Well, Superman might (I've seen that guy cry because Batman wouldn't talk to him), but Batman wouldn't and neither should Wonder Woman. She's a freakin' Amazon. Let's have a little stoicism. Also, writers of all mediums need to stop using the Starbucks has weird names for its drink sizes joke. If you go into a Starbucks and order a small coffee, they will give you the equivalent of a small coffee and inform you that it's called a tall Americano. It's that easy.

Also, what is up with Nemesis? He's acting really whiny, not to mention like a total Wonder Woman fanboy. All the "you suck, I wish I could hang out with Wonder Woman" crap is just annoying. He reminds me of bad Lois Lane characterizations, or Steve Trevor in the Wonder Woman television series, which is probably the point. It was fun there though, because at least there we got a sort of tongue in cheek acknowledgment that he was an idiot. Possibly the most annoying thing about this issue was Diana's repetitive inner monologue though. Does Picoult think comic book readers are idiots? Considering she has said in numerous interviews that her son is an avid comic book reader, and that she went to college with Jim Lee and is friends with him, one would think she would know better. Then again, I don't know her son, and Jim Lee is under the delusion that Frank Miller's writing is still good, so maybe she doesn't have any reason to know better. There were some OK moments, but they're not even worth a mention. I'll keep reading though, at least for now.

In addition to being another week without that guy, this is also another week where I have no happy comic book news to wrap things up with. What's up with that? However, we can all be happy about the fact that this Wednesday we are getting not one, but two Joss Whedon scripted comic books. It is going to be LEGENDARY!

On a final note, I'm trying to come up with a title for my weekly comic book reviews that I can use every week, instead of just giving it a random title, though I will still probably give it a subtitle of some sort related specifically to that week's comics. I want it to be something cool and fun though. Any suggestions?