Can We Please Rethink All These Remakes?

According to this Dark Horizons article (which I found via Kryptonsite), there is a new, and rather horrifying, addition to the ever growing ranks of 80s films. Apparently the youth of the 21st Century simply could not survive without a version of Teen Wolf to call their very own.

That's right. They're remaking Teen Wolf.

I'm not even that pissed about this. I just don't get it, and I don't get it on a lot of levels. As much as I loved the movie as a child - a love supported entirely by the universal appeal Michael J. Fox had to all little girls and the typical lack of taste associated with my age at the time and the decade - it's not a very good movie. It's actually a pretty bad movie. It's certainly a bad werewolf movie. He doesn't even kill anyone.

Now, I have long said that the best remakes are the ones that take movies with good ideas and bad executions, and do them better. The 2001 version of Ocean's 11 is a prime example of a great remake. The original film, could have been good, but aside from having the coolest cast ever (I'm talking the entire Rat Pack and then some), it has nothing much to offer. I don't even think I've ever been able to sit through the whole thing. The remake, on the other hand, has an equally high profile, if far less cool, cast, plus a fun and exciting script and a director at the top of his form. (I always find it ironic that the 2001 Ocean's 11 is what I always use as an example of a remake that should be made, while Ocean's 12 is always one of my examples of sequels that should never have been made.) Well, I would agree that Teen Wolf had a poor execution, but I'm not even sure it was a good idea. Even if it was a good idea, it's certainly not an original idea.

In case you don't remember, I'll give you a rundown of what Teen Wolf was about:

• Awkward and unpopular teen develops an ability that suddenly makes him popular
• Teen lets sudden popularity go to his head
• Teen becomes a total jerk and neglects his true friends for his current gang of hanger ons
• Teen learns valuable lessen, fights bully, reconnects with dorky unpopular friends and ditches his hot and popular girlfriend for the the cute and loyal best friend who has always had a crush on him.

I saw the 2000s' version of this movie. It's called Sky High, and it's actually really good. You should rent it. Not being a teenager anymore, I don't watch as many teen movies as I used to, but I'm willing to bet Sky High is the only movie from this generation with that exact same plot either. So why exactly do we need a remake of Teen Wolf? What exactly could be the appeal of such a movie in light of the fact that there are so many others like it?

Oh right, the Teen Wolf remake is going to be about a girl. That makes all the difference. I hope it stars Amanda Bynes, because I just don't think anyone else could pull of such a unique role. Except for maybe Hilary Duff, or Ashlee Simpson. It's deffinitely time for her to make her big screen debut. She might have trouble grasping the concept of ADR though, since it's pretty much the opposite of lipsynching.

It just seems to me that if they really wanted to do yet another variation on this theme, they could have done it without remaking yet another mediocre 80s film. Is everyone in Hollywood so creatively bankrupt that they couldn't come up with a different ability for this girl to develop? Couldn't she become psychic or turn into a gazelle or anything other than becoming a werewolf (or a witch, because that's been done too). I have to admit though, considering how much hair removal is associated with a girl's coming of age, the idea of a teenage girl that becomes popular because of some rather extreme hair growth amuses me to no end. Time to throw out those pink razors, girls.

On a sidenote, poor Tom Welling. Is he doomed to a film career that consists entirely of crappy remakes? That's too bad. Surely anyone who can manage to make Smallville's version of Clark Kent even remotely likeable (and Tom Welling's really had his work cut out for him the past couple of weeks) deserves better than this? He's not even the star of this one. Oh God, and I certainly hope they aren't going to try and pass him off as a teen. The nineteen or twenty he's supposed to be on Smallville is ridiculous enough. Seeing him in a high school would be enough to produce giggle fits.

Edited to add that it appears that the Tom Welling connection is just one of those vicious internet rumors. I'm relieved.