The Power of Christ Compels You

My brain works in a very unusual way, and one of the unfortunate side effects of that is that once and actor plays Jesus, I can't let it go. In some way, that actor will alwys be Jesus to me, but there have been so many Jesus movies, it's hard to keep them all straight. That is why I have come up with Jesus related nicknames for the various actors who have played Jesus over the years. And since I am at work, and bored, I will share those nicknames with you now. It's just too bad I didn't do this for Easter. It would have been so much more appropriate.

Nickname: Captain Jesus

Actor: Jeffrey Hunter

Film: King of Kings

Explanation: He also played Captain Christopher Pike on Star Trek

Nickname: Jesus the Merciless

Actor: Max von Sydow

Film: The Greatest Story Ever Told

Explanation: He also played Ming the Merciless

Nickname: Sexy Jesus

Actor: Willem Dafoe

Film: The Last Temptation of Christ

Explanation: He's the only Jesus I know that had sex. Also, Willem Dafoe can be pretty sexy.

Nickname: Crazy Jesus

Actor: Jeremy Sisto

Film: Jesus

Explanation: If you ever watched Six Feet Under, then it's pretty obvious.

Nickname: Gay Jesus

Actor: Christian Bale

Film: Mary, Mother of Jesus

Explanation: You don't easily forget the sight of Obi Wan Kenobi buggering Jesus.

Alternative Nicknames: BatJesus, Psycho Jesus and Skinny Jesus

Nickname: Clay Jesus

Actor: Ralph Fiennes

Film: The Miracle Maker

Explanation: He provided the voice for a claymaion Jesus. It was cheesy and awesome.

Alternative Nickname: Nazi Jesus (there could be many others, but since he only provided the voice for Jesus, I don't think he deserves more than two).

Nickname: Hunky Jesus

Actor: James Caviezel

Film: Like you don't already know wat it is

Explanation: I cannot take credit for this nickname. It comes from a Vanity Fair editorial that, among some very good points about why this film was socially problematic, claimed that Mel Gibson was trying to convert people with his hunk Jesus. (James Caviezel is pretty hot.) It amused the hell out of me, but more than that, it inspired me to go around nicknaming the Jesuses.

So what do you think? Am I missing anyone? Are my nicknames fair and accurate? Let me know.

Long Time No Post

Ah, it's been so long since I have posted an entry. It's good to be back. I have so many things I want to talk about, but tonight I just have some brief comments on some noteworthy stuff.

Like this. I would so buy that if it just had Fray on it, but how sweet is it that she and her scythe are front and center? Fray is so cool.

How fucking awesome was Astonishing X-Men #14? I know I am a complete Joss Whedon fangirl, but you have to admit that he has these characters down cold. You also have to admit that he is just an incredible good writer. I'll admit it, I was a bit shocked at the end, even though I know I totally shouldn't have been. Also, I love Cyclops, but sometimes people don't give him the respect he deserves as a character. (Just look at the way the X-Men movies have treated him. And I know it's been years since I read a non-Astonishing X-title, but the last time I did they certainly didn't write for the character.) Whedon totally gets how, messed up and interesting he is, so that kind of makes me love Whedon all the more. Also, I'm really looking forward to the inevitable Kittie/Emma showdown. You know it's coming, and I have a sneaky suspicion that Emma is counting on it. Remember in the first or second issue when Emma told Kittie she chose her for the team? Emma wanted someone who absolutely wouldn't trust her there.

Speaking of people I love, Drew Goddard (former Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel writer) wrote a pretty darn great 100th episode of Alias, which featured some of my favorite recurring characters: Kelly Peyton, Anna Espinoza (played by other Whedonverse alumni Amy Acker and Gina Torres respectively) and especially Will Tippen! Awww Will. I've missed you. It was so great to see Sydney and Will together again. It been so long since she's had a real friend and their friendship is just adorable. Also adorable was all the baby stuff. How is anyone going to settle for anything less than a CIA babysitter now? Anybody who has a small child needs to babyproof with explosive scanners. They need to start selling those in Babies R Us. Jack was also adorable. I loved his "You can't have sharp edged weapons lying around small children...especially young Bristow women" line. Apparently, skills with weaponry is an inborn trait with those Bristows. I'm not surprised. I'm glad we got confirmation that Jack and Sydney are behind Vaughn's Tibetan rehabilitation holiday, but it would have been nice to see Vaughn too. Lastly, the end was shocking. I really did not see that coming, even though with the title of the episode being "There's Only One Sydney Bristow" I really should have. I'm looking forward to an awesome doppleganger fight scene in the finale.

Did anyone else watch Smallville tonight? I really think the powers that be on that show want me to hate Clark. I really do. He was all mature and likeable for two weeks, but that just couldn't last. No, he's got to go back to whiney little bitch mode. Other than that, not bad for a generic freak of the week episode, and I'm actually liking Lex and Lana together. He's totally just telling her whatever she wants to hear and she's falling for it. Lex may be the first man Lana hasn't been able to completely castrate merely by association. Maybe he will turn out to be a good supervillain.

Someone else I love is J.J. Abrams. Not only did he create Alias which is back to being awesome (unfortunately just in time to end), but he's reviving the Star Trek franchise. How unbelievably cool is that? The only down side to this is that I will now be wasting hours and hours trying to think of who should play young Kirk and Spock. Seriously, I won't be able to think of anything else. Anyone got any suggestions? You'd be helping me out if you could give me some good ones.

Finally, I hate the Nets. Haaaaate! Because of them and the stupid NBA playoffs, I still have not seen Veronica Mars. And I won't get to see it until Sunday. Sunday! Was it good? Don't tell me...I'm trying to be patient.

It's not working.

Shocker

OK, I think that was the best Veronica Mars episode of the season. I don't even know what else to say. It was just so good. Here's some stuff that I thought was interesting:

• Something is seriously weird with Woody Goodman. That workout room scene with him and Logan was just bizarre. Is he gay? (I can't be the only person that thought that.) Is he responsible for the bus accident? Is he gay and responsible for the bus accident? Keith has that footage from Goodman's house now. Since Goodman wanted it back so badly, it must have some sort of clue on it. Oh, maybe it doesn't have anything to do with Goodman. Maybe there is some sort of scandal involving his super annoying daughter. I seriously do not like her (and neither does Logan, hehe).
• There was a lot of couple stuff this episode. I am really sad for Mack and Beaver. They were such a cute couple, but they were taken away from us so quickly (though I have a suspicion from previous episodes that Beaver is scheming something, so maybe Mack is better off keeping a distance from him.) I wonder what's up with Beaver anyway. It seems like it is about more than just his lack of experience. Poor Mack looked so heartbroken when he dumped her. Then there was the Wallace, Jackie and Jane triangle. I have to say, Jackie has proven herself to have a lot of integrity. Wallace was just plain wrong, but he was just being a normal teenage guy. At least he did end up doing the right thing by breaking up with Jane, but good for Jackie for not immediately taking him back. She is trying to be a better person and she is trying to show people that she is a better person than they think she is. She does not need that break up on her conscience. I also wanted to point out that Jackie's asking Charlie to the dance was very reminiscent of Lindsey asking Eli to the dance in the Freaks and Geeks pilot, a show Rob Thomas is admittedly a huge fan of. And in final couple news, there were definite sparks between Logan and Veronica when they danced. I think there may have even been an almost kiss. I don't know how I feel about this, but it was worth pointing out. I didn't really believe that those two were done with eachother anyway. I actually really liked the Logan and Hannah relationship though, and I do think that that will be revisited at some point as well.
• Logan was in fine form this episode. (Except when he was wearing another argyle sweater. Did he decide to start wearing the clothes that Duncan left behind? The Slacker t-shirt and blazer combo was much better.) I loved that he won the essay contest by stealing lines from Easy Rider. I'm just curious as to what his new scheme is. I do not believe that he would even bother with the essay contest without some ulterior motive. Unless the contest was mandatory participation. I wasn't clear on that. Anyway, I sincerely believe that he has bigger plans for that Woody Goodman signature stamp than commandeering Lamb's parking space. However, I could see how messing with Lamb could be a noble cause in and of itself.
• Weevil. Weevil. Weevil. If only he had had a little more patience. I cannot say that I don't understand why he did what he did though. It really seemed as though Lamb not only did not care to listen to Weevil and Veronica and their evidence, but that he had no interest in actually finding Felix's killer. Still, I'm a fan of the whole due process thing. Also, I can't help but think that Thumper's death is going to come back to haunt them all later, and that he possibly died knowing something about the bus accident.
• The end. Chilling.

Overall, just a truly amazing episode that utilized so many characters so well and advanced every plot. I am not surprised in the least that this show could produce such and astounding episode, but that does not make me any less appreciative.

Finally, with regard to last week's episode, I have a prediction for season 3. The big season 3 mystery will be the rapes at Hearst College. Now everyone watch next Tuesday at 9 o'clock so that we get a season 3. Note the schedule change. Don't forget.

Oh, Milton, You're So Fine...

What? Everyone else has used that tired joke. It's my turn.

Anyway, I realized over the weekend that I completely left out any of the Brainiac action from my review of last week's Smallville episode, "Hypnotic." I couldn't imagine how I could possibly make such a huge oversight. The Brainiac stuff was clearly the best stuff about the episode. Then I realized why I would leave it out. For one thing, there was nothing to rant and complain about. Anybody who knows me knows that I would much rather talk about a show that is pissing me off than one that I fined little to criticise about (which is why I don't talk about Veronica Mars very often -- it's too good.) However, the far bigger reason was because it seemed like it was a completely different episode than the one with HypnoHo -- a better episode from a better show. Hell, when I saw the opening I though I might have stumbled upon an early season X-Files episode. It was that cool, and also pretty creepy.

The Lex and Professor Fine interaction was great, as was to be expected. Nevertheless, I almost felt bad for Lex when he confidently proclaimed that he knew that Fine was actually a government agent, though I guess it's a good thing that he was so far off since getting it right would have meant getting speared through the frontal lobe. Brainiac is clearly playing Lex now and I cannot wait to see what comes of it. I loved that Fine planted the idea of a possible alien invasion. If you wil recall, when Clark was hallucinating in Professor Fine's office during Splinter, he imagined Lex addressing a group of people about Clark being the first wave of a possible invasion. I have high hopes that they will actually go somewhere with this (and that it might tie back into Lex's season three notion that Segeeth -- the Naman's nemesis from the cave paintings -- is actually the hero).

I also want to comment on how good Michael Rosenbaum and James Marsters are opposite eachother. So many of Lex's scenes have been with Lana lately, it is really nice to see him working against an actor that can challenge him. And since both actors have a habit of getting A games out of lesser actors, what they get out of eachother should be fun to watch. I really look forward to seeing this team up of both the characters and the actors.

Brainiac's final scene was the most intriguing. He oozes out of the ship, like he did in the season premier, only this time there are 4 of him (no idea why the 4 Brainiacs are clothed while the 1 was naked). Then one of them says "We need more samples," and all 4 speed off in opposite directions. I assume that he is refering to collecting more samples of the ebola-like disease he got in the opening scene. Perhaps this is part of a plan to rid Earth of humanity with a supervirus. I am also curious as to whether he is in Honduras because it is a good place to collect disease samples or because of its Kryptonian significance. It was mentioned in "Transference" that the Water stone, which allowed Lionel to swap bodies with Clark, was found in Honduras. Perhaps Slavkin & Swimmer, who wrote both episodes, just like Honduras. As this is Smallville, we may never know.

"Clark, you're hypnotized. How else could you throw me across the room?"

I wasn't initially going to comment on this week's Smallville, even though it was the first one in weeks and it had Professor Fine, but with a line like that I had to. In a word, it was the awesomest line ever. It just so neatly exemplifies the kind of crap we are expected to swallow week after week. Every time Clark uses his superpowers in front of Lex, we are supposed to believe that Lex is going to accept the lame ass excuses Clark gives him, not to mention Lana. Lionel used bizarre stone from Honduras to swap bodies with Clark, and it somehow gave Lionel (in Clark's body) superstrength. Clark was infected with some weird silver "meteor rock" that no one ever saw before. It made him paranoid and gave him superstrength and speed. Clark was hypnotized by some skank. Guess what. It gave him superpowers. Did it give any of the other people who got hypnotized superpowers? Uh, no. Wow. Interesting. That couldn't possibly mean that Clark had superpowers to begin with. No, of course not.

As far as I'm concerned, there is no reason why Lex should still be investigating Clark, which he apparently is since he told Simone that she wasn't just supposed to break Clark and Lana up (belch) but also find out if there was anything unusual about Clark. He should already know that Clark has freaking superpowers. Lex, just move on to whatever you are planning on doing once you found out whether or not Clark has superpowers. Seriously, enough is enough.

Also in this episode, Clark and Lana broke up for the 500th time. Apparently this time it's forever. Oh how I wish I could believe that. Hearing Clark tell Chloe "My power to hurt Lana is greater than all my powers combined," was just painful. Clark, you stopped a missile. Hurting Lana somehow outweighs saving thousands of lives. OK then. I will say this though, Kristin Kreuk actually managed to give a good performance this week. I might have actually had some sympathy for Lana if : 1) she didn't use the same "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't still love me" line that she used on Jason last season (maybe she has her own powers of hypnosis); 2) she didn't immediately go running off to her back up boyfriend, Lex; and 3) they didn't have Chloe and Martha go on about how Clark has given Lana reason to hate him. What kind of bullshit is that? Lots of people get dumped. Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's and get over it. And why would that be such a big deal anyway? Martha made that comment about hoping Lana didn't do anything they would all regret, which made absolutely no sense to me. (But then, I haven't understood why Martha suddenly went from being Lana's #1 fan to going on about how maybe she's not the one for Clark.) I'm just going to assume that Martha and Chloe are so concerned about Lana hating Clark because they have secretly feared her for years. It makes sense. She wore that freaking necklace for years. She should be a krypto freak herself by now. Or have cancer. In the comic books, didn't Lex get cancer from the kryptonite ring that he wore?

Here's what I did like: Chloe saving the day. It was actually pretty believable and not too contrived. It was completely in character for her to have faith in Clark and believe he was mindwhammied. Considering she knows that the Kents store random pieces of kryptonite around just in case, I find it reasonable that she would do the same. Her finding all that info about Simone and the crystal were the most implausible parts, but she's been doing that since season 1. Her reaction to knocking out Martha was awesome too. Very cute. I also liked seeing Clark knock Lois out. She was annoying and it shut her up. He should do that more often. Why was she even in this episode?

I guess this episode was pretty entertaining though. I pretty much enjoyed it while I was watching it. It was amusing. Unfortunately, I think most of the comedy was unintentional. There was one huge missed opportunity in this episode. When Clark saw Simone's crystal, he should have said "Oooo. Shiny," thereby completing his transformation into The Tick.